Difficile est satiram non scribere.
(It is difficult not to write satire.)
--Juvenal
Zimbabwe Independent (Harare)
September 19, 2003
Posted to the web September 19, 2003
Dumisani Muleya
COMMONWEALTH leaders this week forged a remarkable consensus to ban President Robert Mugabe from the club's forthcoming meeting in Nigeria after attempts by South Africa to intervene on his behalf failed.
Club chair Australian Prime Minister John Howard said Nigerian President Olusegun Obasanjo and the group's secretariat had decided that Mugabe would not be admitted to the biennial Commonwealth Heads of Government Meeting (Chogm) in Abuja, Nigeria, on December 5/6.
Zimbabwe News-Observer
The government of Zimbabwe today ordered the immediate closure of the offices of the Zimbabwe Independent on grounds of "subversion, libel, and incitement to riot" for alleging that His Excellency Robert Mugabe had been disinvited from a meeting of Commonwealth Heads of Government. The government wishes readers to know that His Excellency chose not to attend to the meeting because of the unhelpful attitudes of many of the White members of the commonwealth, not because of his handling of the economy, alleged abuses of human and civil rights, or the outbreak of massive food shortages in a rich and fertile country.
Zimbabwe Tribune
The Zimbabwe News-Observer was ordered shut down this evening for "multiple health code violations, ink that gets on your hands, and egregious spelling errors." This from a government that apparently cannot spell 'Democracy.'
Zimbabwe Times-Picayune
The offices of the Zimbabwe Tribune underwent a spontaneous combustive event at approximately 11:15 p.m. today. The government, while disclaiming responsibility, suggested that the paper's use of 'inflammatory' language had been the cause, and reminded all readers to safely dispose of all oily rags, flammable liquids, and disloyal thoughts.
Zimbabwe Enquirer
Elvis Found!
(Remember, Kids, the part in bold is actual 100% news-flavored media product. The rest is the fakey part.)
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