Usually that line is a come-on for "donations" via Paypal. Well, we know you're broke, and we'd just spend the money on sniffing glue anyway, so forget money. Send us feedback. Like this story? Hate it? Think we're the lamest site since microsoft.com?
No, we won't do anything with your return address execpt, maybe, send you a thank-you note.
You may be surprised to receive this letter from me, since you don't
know me personally. … I am MR. ISAAC MARTINS … Before the death of my father, he had taken me to Johannesburg to deposit the sum of USD$38,700,000(THIRTY EIGHT MILLION SEVEN HUNDRED THOUSAND UNITED STATES DOLLARS) … I and my family who are currently staying in South Africa decided to transfer my father's money to foreign account …If you have accepted in helping my family and I, all I need you to do for me is to make arrangement and come to Johannesburg -South Africa so that you can open a non-resident account which will aid us in transferring the money into any account you will nominate overseas. …If you do not prefer a partnership I am willing to give you 20% of the money … I implore you to maintain the absolute secrecy required in this transaction.
Thanks for responding to our request for fan feedback. You letter seems to be an audition of a sort, and even though we have no openingsfor a staff writer at this time, we always like to encourage our fellow struggling artists, so we offer the following critique:
Your letter stinks. First, the whole "African Money Scam" genre has been done to death. It's tired. You need to move on. Secondly, good satire always has a target clearly in its sights. It's unclear what you are trying to do here -- make fun of scheming Africans? Make fun of greedy Americans? The reader can't tell, and if they can't tell they won't care, or laugh.
The introduction of numerous grammatical and spelling errors in an attempt to create authenticity was hardly more amusing. What's funny about an African who can't spell? An American college professor who can't spell would be funny. An American president who can't spell -- or pronounce -- "nuclear" would be terrifying. But this comes off as just a cheap shot.
Finally, your choice of $38 Million is significantly lower than the old Nigerian scams, which used to promise a slice of a larger pie, running into the billions. If you're going to exaggerate for comic effect, you need to either go bigger ("A bajillion dollars") or go smaller to a point that cripples the idea of the scam ("I have $29.50 in loose change I need to get out of the country.") Simply making a billion into $38 Million isn't funny.
Sincerely, the Muskrat News Staff
(p.s. We have an expired New Jersey Turnpike token in a shoebox in the backyard; if you could come to America and help us dig it up, we'd be willing to share it with you, as long as you split the gas money on the turnpike. Call us.)
Remember, Kids, the part in bold is actual 100% news-flavored media product. (Or in this case, a real e-mail we got)
The rest is the fakey part.
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