Difficile est satiram non scribere.
(It is difficult not to write satire.)
--Juvenal
Critics Jump on Space Elevator
From Wired news
SANTA FE, New Mexico -- If you think the concept of a space elevator sounds crazy, then the people most actively exploring the idea want you.
They want to hear why you think it's laughable to try to build a 62,000-mile ribbon straight up from the Equator to ferry cargo into space without need of messy (and dangerous) rockets. They want to hear every single cavil, qualm and conceptual conundrum you might want to raise.
That was the clear message of the second international conference on the space elevator, jointly sponsored by Los Alamos National Laboratory and the Institute for Scientific Research, held this weekend in Santa Fe.
Dear Space Otis:
We have heard your call and suggest the following problems will have to be dealt with before the notion of a "space elevator" can be realized:
--Location of Earth End: Because the elevator concept will only work at the equator, the lower terminus will have to be in a country such as (starting at the Prime Meridian and moving East): Gabon, Congo, the other Congo, Uganda, Kenya, Somalia. Notice a pattern? All poor countries. Experience in the United States shows that eelvators in low-income areas tend to get vandalized a lot. If you haven't budgeted for graffitti removal, you haven't budgeted properly.
--Yes, the Earth end could be on an ocean platform in international waters, but I think we all know what that would lead to: Space Sharks.
--Fire Depaertment will probably refuse certificate of use unless "Space stairs" also available in case of fire.
--A careful analysis of the movies suggests that elevators, while useful to action heroes while fighting criminals and terrorists, are often used by those same bad guys. Specifically, you will want to check the roof of the device before liftoff to make sure that, e.g., Alan Rickman, is not clinging to the top on his way to hijack a space station.
--Same for mutants, Gremlins, Aliens.
--At 25 feet per floor, there are about 4.4 million floors between Sea Level and Geosynchronous orbit. Children must be properly supervised on the space elevator to prevent them pressing all of the buttons.
--Space elevator will open the door to human use and exploitation of the whole solar system, much as seagoing ships allowed Europe access to the Americas. Go take a look at Las Vegas and ask: is this a good thing?
(Remember, Kids, the part in bold is actual 100% news-flavored media product. The rest is the fakey part.)
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