Usually that line is a come-on for "donations" via Paypal. Well, we know you're broke, and we'd just spend the money on sniffing glue anyway, so forget money. Send us feedback. Like this story? Hate it? Think we're the lamest site since microsoft.com?
No, we won't do anything with your return address execpt, maybe, send you a thank-you note.
Thu December 11, 2003 04:18 PM ET
By Jim Wolf
WASHINGTON (Reuters) - A missile from a U.S. Navy Aegis cruiser shattered a dummy warhead over the Pacific on Thursday, the fourth intercept in five tests of the sea-based leg of a planned multi-layered missile shield, the Pentagon said.
The Standard Missile-3 fired from the Lake Erie off Kauai in the Hawaiian islands "successfully engaged the target" about four minutes after the target was launched, said Chris Taylor, a spokesman for the Pentagon's Missile Defense Agency.
The Pentagon described the test as part of increasingly "complex, stressing and operationally realistic ballistic missile engagement scenarios." But it did not specify in what way the scenario had been made more realistic.
Pentagon insiders reported that the realism had been increased by having an ensign make "scary explosion noises" on the bridge of the Lake Erie, and by having one of the Bosuns dress up Like Geraldo. Further steps to fully simulate a wartime environment included running the ship's crew through a complicated wargame scenario, in which they were told that unemployment was increasing in key electoral college states and that the President had begun to lie about North Korea's intentions.
Asked, gently, how the Pentagon had increased the mechanical, sensor, or software realism of the test, given past concerns about faked or manipulated results, Pentagon spokesman Pinocchio J. Realboy replied "Well, we had to walk a fine line, of course. If we made it too real, we wouldn't have a target, since North Korea doesn't actually have much in the way of warheads yet. So we aimed for kinda-real, the real that would be real if their really was something to be real about."
Asked for details, Realboy cited the construction of the payload as being consistent with the level of technology shown by North Korea's missile program, "assuming their warheads have homing beacons built in," the fact that the three month's advance notice of the exact time and place of the launch had been "written in Korean, originally" and that the target warhead had not been rigged to explode "unless the interceptor came really close." Asked to define "really close," Realboy gestured with his hand approximately four feet apart and said "about this far, if I were ten miles high."
Special Bonus LOTD: Nearly half of new Iraqi army has quit
Thursday, December 11, 2003 Posted: 2:45 PM EST (1945 GMT)
BAGHDAD, Iraq (CNN) -- About 300 of 700 members of the new Iraqi army have resigned…
"We dress up in khaki, we run away," one recruit said. "That's how the army works. You want people who'll stick around and fight, hire the Ghurkas."
Remember, Kids, the part in bold is actual 100% news-flavored media product.
The rest is the fakey part.
Home Previous Lines of the Day
