Wed October 15, 2003 11:57 AM ET
By Nidal al-Mughrabi
GAZA (Reuters) - A roadside bomb ripped through a U.S. diplomatic convoy in the Gaza Strip Wednesday, killing three American security men in the first deadly attack on a U.S. target in three years of Israeli-Palestinian violence.
The United States responded by demanding that Yasser Arafat and his Palestinian Authority bring the bombers to justice and act immediately against Palestinian militant groups, which all denied involvement in the attack.
U.S. and Israeli authorities are investigating. Although they place no credence in the formalistic denials of responsibility from Palestinian groups-which are issued routinely whenever a planned attack misfires and hits a politically unpalatable target-insiders say there is a possibility that the explosion was the work of a new terrorist organization.
"We've been hearing reports lately of a new group, a fundamentalist religious outfit, that has threatened to carry out attacks against State Department targets, and has even hinted at attacks using weapons of Mass Destruction," said anti-terror expert Vulnerable Bede. "It's led by a charismatic millionaire who spreads his word through manipulation of the American media and the internet, a man named Pat Robertson." Robertson apparently issued a fatwa, or pronouncement, on his syndicated television show called the 700 Club, known as "the Al-Jazeera of Texas Trailer Parks," in which he advocated blowing up the State Department building with a small nuclear device.
"Of course, even a small nuke in Foggy Bottom would incinerate the nearby George Washington University, and probably severely damage if not destroy the White House, which is about seven blocks away," noted Bede, "but we have no evidence that Robertson's organization has actually acquired WMD." Still, Robertson has been affiliated with other sponsors of terror, such as former President of Liberia Charles Taylor, who is largely responsible for a decade of bloodletting in four West African countries.
The Gaza attack, focused as it was on State Department officials, clearly has the government concerned that Robertson's apocalyptic message is being implemented by his numerous, impressionable and poorly-educated followers. "They get young people, and instead of real schools, they send them to these Madrassas like Bob Jones University and Robertson's own Regent University," said Harvey Wallbumper, of the Washington Institute for Redneck Studies, "Just like in Pakistan, but instead of reading the Koran, they do nothing but read the Bible and play football. They don't even learn science - or go on dates! No wonder the graduates are hostile."
Authorities have announced a reward for any information leading to the capture of Robertson, but he is reputed to be hiding in the mountainous borderland between Virginia and West Virginia, where he has many tribal followers. He may also be sheltered by allies and family members in the Virginia Beach area, where his media empire is located.
Remember, Kids, the part in bold is actual 100% news-flavored media product.
The rest is the fakey part.
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