Difficile est satiram non scribere.
(It is difficult not to write satire.)
--Juvenal
(Remember, Kids, the part in bold is actual 100% news-flavored media product. The rest is the fakey part.)
Lawmakers of Both Parties Praise $400 Billion Package, Focus on Non-Financial Issues
By Dan Morgan and Walter Pincus
Washington Post Staff Writers
Monday, May 26, 2003; Page A02
It took a House Armed Services subcommittee a shade under 11 minutes on May 7 to approve $1.7 billion more than the Pentagon had requested in its 2004 budget for bombers, missiles, transport planes and a variety of Navy and Marine Corps programs.
Since President Bush took office in 2001, military spending has grown by nearly 20 percent -- and that does not include the costs of the wars in Afghanistan and Iraq, or the war on terrorism. The Pentagon's appetite for funds to fight future -- but still largely unspecified -- threats is adding to soaring budget deficits.
During last week's Senate debate, only Sen. Robert C. Byrd (D-W.Va.), who cast the single vote against the defense bill, raised questions about the strategic rationale for higher spending. He said the United States now spends more on defense than "all other 18 members of NATO, plus China, plus Russia and plus the remaining rogue states combined."
When informed of Byrd's remarks, Senator Snickett (R-Orange County) replied "What about Cuba? What about Nepal? What about Switzerland? What about Mexico? The fact that we haven't outspent all of our potential enemies shows the shocking inadequacy of our defense budgets. Senator Byrd may be willing to expose Americans to the threat of invasion from Mexico, but I'm not." When reminded that neither Switzerland nor NATO was generally seen as potential enemies, Snickett said "maybe not in the halls of the Harvard Club, but real Americans know a foreigner when they see one." Asked if there were any nation on Earth he would not count as a potential enemy, Snickett replied "Maybe Iraq, but I don't like the looks of that Bremer guy."
Senator Snickett, who raised $15 Million dollars for his last campaign from defense contractors, denied there was any link between his votes and his fund-raising activities. "My opponent in the last election would have voted the same way, I'm sure, and he only raised $12 Million from the defense industry. Clearly, then, money has no influence on the process." Senator Snickett then was led away by Hamilton Fishbeam, Vice-President for Government Relations of Lockheed Martin who said it was "time for the Senator's 3:00 hooker break… nap, I mean. Nap."