"Difficile est satiram non scribere." (It is difficult to not write satire.) - Juvenal

Interstellar Weather

Cold. So very cold. And empty. But mostly cold.

Fighting Words Horoscopes



Taurus
    Sez You

Aries
    Wuss

Virgo
    You and What Army?

Saggitarius
    Make Me

Capricorn
    Well Boo-Freaking-Hoo

Pisces
    You Haven't Got the Cojones

Aquarius
    You Want to Take This outisde, Little Man?

Libra
   We Welcome the WMD Inspectors to Come back to Iraq (White House Only)


Office Holiday Party Etiquette

Santa isn't that lonely. Or drunk. Ted, from accounting, is both.

Unlike news-based satire (get it, news-based), the following are all made up...mostly.


October 13, 2003 - Rush Limbaugh used to be for putting white drug users in jail. Just like he used to scorn people taking government benefits until people started noting that he once collected unemployment benefits. I wonder if he has any other changes of heart coming up?

September 12, 2003 - It's hard top Keep the Policy SNAFUs straight without a scorecard

August 24, 2003 - When the U.S. government runs out of bad ideas, they start to recycle really bad ideas.

July 8, 2003 - A new day is dawning in Iraq, with new money being printed. But if you were cheap, you'd just re-use existing stocks... from ... somewhere...

June 25, 2003 - We keep looking for these WMD, and I'm thinking "I know where they can find some WMD!"

June 22, 2003 - So I go to a wedding, and it's all so nice, so happy, so life-affirming, that I feel the need to mock it.

May 24, 2003 - A Spy tells me that NIMA is being renamed, and I wonder - Coincidence? Plot? Gag premise?

May 16, 2003 - Our Bad. Getting Bought out is NOT like getting taken over by Germany. It's like getting taken over by North Vietnam.

April 24, 2003 - The weeping is over, the defeated armies have been led away, and the new boss comes to town. is it Corporate America in 2003 or Paris in 1940? Hard to tell.

April 18, 2003 - Reports of looting in Baghdad are nothing to panic over. I mean, we've seen the same thing in Washington.

April 10, 2003 - Iraq's isolation from the world, the corruption of its Olympic Program by the Hussein Family, and the joy of liberation, when combined, night present some suprising opportunities.

April 9, 2003 - If we're going to take over the running of Iraq, we're going to need a lot of staff. Many of the previous occupants won't be eligible because of the excessive amount of blood on their hands. Where can we turn to find people who are energetic, hard-working, outgoing and used to getting people to cooperate?

April 5, 2002 - . How many times do we have to hear "experts can't tell if the tape of Saddam is new or old" before we start to question the authenticity of other video clips?

March 3, 2003 - One of the often-overlooked aspects of the State Department's work is providing consular services to Americans overseas. When an embassy closes, we have to make other arrangements to ensure continuity of these services.

August 18, 2002 - So there I was, getting reminded that my new institution does not tolerate domestic violence, when they pass around a card showing the warning signs of an abusive relationship. I take one look and think "Hey, I've seen these before... somewhere...."

June 13, 2002 - America withdraws from the ABM Treaty, killing it. Every death merits an obituary.

January 9, 2002 - The Pentagon released a public excerpt from the Nuclear Posture Review. However, there are other entitiies with the initials NPR.

August 31, 2001 - Where it all began. I was doodling on a notepad, and wrote the initials NMD. N was clearly National. D was defense. But what could M stand for? The long-range missile threat to the U.S. was either too large (Russia) or too fanciful (North Korea) to merit spending billions on defeating it. M must stand for some other threat. But what? And then it came to me: Muskrats.