By WARREN E. LEARY
From www.nytimes.com
Published: October 28, 2003
WASHINGTON, Oct. 27 - The leaders of the House Science Committee have asked NASA to postpone plans for a new astronaut-carrying space vehicle because of uncertainties about its role and costs.
Representative Sherwood Boehlert, the New York Republican who is chairman of the science committee, and Representative Ralph M. Hall of Texas, the ranking Democrat, said in their Oct. 21 letter that they had "deep concern with NASA's current approach to the Orbital Space Plane program."
NASA wants the space plane to serve as a lifeboat for astronauts aboard the International Space Station and as a vehicle to transfer crews to and from the space station. The craft, which is in the early design stages, would not replace the larger, cargo-carrying space shuttle.
The Congressional critics, however, said it was premature to go ahead with the craft without knowing how it might fit into national goals for human spaceflight, which have not been agreed on by Congress, the White House and NASA.
Specifically, Congress has concerns over how the proposed space plane expenditure fits into the national crop-subsidy and unneeded-dam construction program. "How does this piece of high technology allow us to fund overpadded construction contracts back in Waxahatchee? Tell me that," asked Representative Fred Floogle (R-Swampytown). "Did you know that there's a town in my district, West Wallow Hollow, that does not have an off-ramp from I-15? My god, those people have to drive three miles to East Wallow Hollow to get on the freeway, and NASA wants to explore the cosmos? What kind of pinkos are they?"
Experts agree that, in an era of limited funds and pressing budget deficits, each federal dollar expended must be the target of rigorous scrutiny. Senator Hogswitch Hopalong (Dork-Nev) pointed out that the national mohair promotion program was nearly underfunded last year. "We had to slash Head Start just to get enough money to but the last round of Mohair commercials on NBC," said Hopalong, " And we were unable to get full funding for the Mo' better Mohair Tour of Eastern Europe. We sure don't have the cash for exploring the universe."
Congressional staff suggested the space plane might have a better chance of funding if it were re-purposed to be the "National Sugar Beet Delivery System" or if it were found to need a 300-miule long runway running through parts of Tennessee and Kentucky. NASA was unimpressed. "You cannot compare the journey of discovery with simple pork-barrel politics." Said spokesman Jett Buzzcut. "Money for the National Ant-Terrrorism Space Plane is money well spent."
Remember, Kids, the part in bold is actual 100% news-flavored media product.
The rest is the fakey part.
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