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Line of the Day

March 18, 2008


Obama Gives speech on race, condemns words of Pastor Wright, calls for nationwide effort to seek racial healing

RNC announces “Republican Idol” talent search/scavenger hunt

The Republican National Committee (motto: “situation hopeless but not desperate”) announced today a nationwide search for their “Republican Idol,” a pop star who will be given an opportunity to star in a number of GOP-produced advertisements and Fox-TV appearances between now and November.

Criteria: Must be a young African-American male, must have committed a crime of violence and been convicted in state or federal court, and must be affiliated with the Rev. Jeremiah Wright’s Trinity United Church of Christ.

Judging will be based on a point system, calculated as follows:

Musical ability

0 plays accordion
1 sings gospel
2 plays guitar
4 sings blues
3 raps
5 raps using word “ho”

Skin Tone:

0 Colin Powell
1 Obama
2 Morgan Freeman
3 Sidney Poitier
4 Michael Jordan
5 Seal

Appearance:

0 clean cut
1 baggy shorts
2 extensive tattoos
3 Maori tribal tattoos
4 gold teeth
5 claw hand

Nature of crime:

0 drug possession
1 drug dealing
2 armed robbery
3 home invasion
4 murder/rape (either)
5 combined murder/rape

Hair:

1gray
2 short, well-trimmed
3long/unkempt
4 bald
5 dreadlocks

Victim:

0 none/property damage only
1 fellow gang banger
2 older black male or female
3 adult white male
4 juvenile white male/adult white female
5 juvenile white female

+2 points EACH for blond/curly hair

Relation to Trinity UCC:

0 Once attended services
1 regular attendance/volunteer service
2 existing photo of perp and Rev. Wright
3 Photo of perp in choir robe
4Mentioned in Wright Sermon
5 Related to Wright

+10 named “Jeremiah Wright”

Prizes:

1-5: “I were Home Skooled and Iz Proud” T-shirt
6-10: internship with “happily married” GOP Congressman
11-15: internship with no groping
16-20: 30 minutes groping GOP intern of your choice, either gender (CANNOT SELECT “SELF”)
21-30: Bridge not to exceed 800 feet in length
31-35: 1-5 miles of interstate highway
35-29 Points: Junior staff job, Heritage Foundation
40-46 points: Guest Commentator slot on O’Reilly
47 points: Secure Congressional seat in Alabama


Warning! The Line of the Day is not an authorized infotainment product! It contains material not previously cleared/authored by Karl Rove. By definition, therefore, it is a farrago of lies and pretentious word choices. Only the part in bold is stolen from actual news sources.
 

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Warning! The Line of the Day is not an authorized infotainment product! It contains material not previously cleared/authored by Karl Rove. By definition, therefore, it is a farrago of lies and pretentious word choices. Only the part in bold is stolen from actual news sources.