Line of the Day
March 2, 2008
From one Iowa paper’s editorial page web site:
happened this past weekend that would have been practically
unbelievable at one time. ...A candidate for president gave a campaign
speech........ the speech was historic. .... The
speech was given by U.S. Sen. Barack Obama. The speech was made in
Richmond, Va. .... When one considers the scope of history, the event
of a black man running for president in the one-time capital of the
Confederacy --- attracting people of all colors and backgrounds in
peaceful assembly, passing as just another campaign event --- is a
monumental statement about how far this country has come to living up
to the principles on which it was founded. It took nearly 150 years of
blood, sweat and tears of six generations of Americans to get here.
In Part I of our story, we discussed the fact that the Food and Drug Administration today moved to classify Barack Obama as a Schedule II controlled substance.
Part II discussed the spread of the Obama craze.
Part III looked at the science behind the
In Part IV, we discuss the growing "Medical Obama" movement.
is so small it barely qualifies as an office. It can't be called a
"storefront," because in fact it opens onto an alley. Last winter it
served as a warming room for skating rink in the vacant lot next door.
Before that it was used to store equipment for street maintenance
crews; a leaning tower of orange traffic ones still hunches in one
corner, like a post-nuclear ficus. But today this space is occupied by
two earnest volunteers, one laptop stealing wi-fi access from the
Starbucks across the alley, and a stash of Obama so pure that it has to
be handled with gloves. And it's all legal. Welcome to the world of
The FDA and Republican and Democratic officials
alike have striven for months to stamp out Obama use across the
country, and the FDA is on the verge of banning the use of the potent
narcotic. But a few states are on the leading edge of a resistance
movement. Here in Waxahatchee Flats, with a doctor's note, adults can
get regular doses of Obama, which they claim has important therapeutic
Reefer X. Maytag is one medical Obama user. "It's
primarily to allow me to eat," the gaunt outpatient says. "I've been a
steady regime of campaign ads for months now, and I'm a chronic news
junkie. Obama fights off the nausea that the ads create, and allows me
to bring back some of my appetite for civics." Other benefits claimed
for the drug include improved vision, reduced symptoms of
depression,and vicarious eloquence.
The medical profession is
skeptical. Dr. Placebo Dementia, head of Imaginary and Relentless
Urges at St. Cuthbert's-down-the-well Institute for the Halt and Lame,
scoffed at the claims made for Obama. "It's an illusion. People tell
themselves they'll feel better, so they do. There's no identified
biochemical or legislative pathway via which Obama can actually create
change, increase tolerance for political deal-making, or mute special
Like medical marijuana, medical Obama currently
exists in a legal gray area, permitted by some state and local
ordinances, but technically still illegal under federal rules.
Nonetheless, federal authorities have been slow to prosecute "med-Ob"
distributors because of their standing in local communities. In
Varmint County, Florence McSlipwhich is knows as the "ten-gram granny,"
the weight of the Obama bumper stickers she made in her antique-filled
home and distributed to friends and family for years. Ordered to
arrest her by a new district attorney, the local sheriff took her into
custody six weeks ago -- only to see the local magistrate free her
without bail in time for her to get home and work the second shift at
her meth lab.
Both sides are looking forward to the upcoming national referendum on the legalization of Obama.
Part I: The FDA Acts
Part II: The craze spreads
Part III: The Science of Obama
Part IV: The ‘medical Obama’ movement
Line of the Day is not
an authorized infotainment
product! It contains material not previously cleared/authored by Karl
Rove. By definition, therefore, it is a farrago of lies and pretentious
word choices. Only the part in bold
is stolen from