Line of the Day
February 13, 2008
From one Iowa paper’s editorial page web site:
happened this past weekend that would have been practically
unbelievable at one time. ...A candidate for president gave a campaign
speech........ the speech was historic. .... The
speech was given by U.S. Sen. Barack Obama. The speech was made in
Richmond, Va. .... When one considers the scope of history, the event
of a black man running for president in the one-time capital of the
Confederacy --- attracting people of all colors and backgrounds in
peaceful assembly, passing as just another campaign event --- is a
monumental statement about how far this country has come to living up
to the principles on which it was founded. It took nearly 150 years of
blood, sweat and tears of six generations of Americans to get here.
The Food and Drug Administration today moved to classify Barack Obama as a Schedule II controlled substance.
II drugs are those which, while they do have legitimate uses, also have
a high potential for abuse, and abuse of which can lead to sever
psychological or physical dependence,” said an FDA spokesman. “And we
think Barack, especially when delivered in speech form, fits that
description.” Asked how a human being, or even his words, could be a
dangerous drug, the spokesman said “have you heard those speeches?
People who only see them on TV feel euphoric, with reports of
dizziness, drastically altered metabolisms, and a false sense of
euphoria. They often experience auditory and visual hallucinations,
claiming they can see or feel something called ‘hope.’ It’s worse in
person – we practically had to scrape people off the floor after his
victory speech in South Carolina. And the addiction curve for Obama is
wicked steep. One or two hits and many people are hooked.” The
spokesman acknowledged that, as Obama is a candidate for elective
office, his use cannot be banned outright, but cautioned people to be
careful, limit their exposure, and avoid contact of they have heart
problems, are taking prescription medications, or have enlarged incomes
that might be vulnerable to taxation. Other reported side effects of
Obama include irrational expectations about the possible results of the
political process, and gushing like a schoolgirl.
supporters scoffed at the notion that his presence should be
controlled. “He’s no more harmful or addictive than a good jolt of
caffeine,” asserted one jittery staffer, hands wrapped tightly around
what appeared to be a crack pipe loaded with Starbucks’ finest espresso
beans. Reminded that caffeine has no nutritional benefits nor can it
provide substantial caloric energy, the staffer replied “We like
caffeine. You wouldn’t outlaw caffeine, would you? Oh, god, please
say they wouldn’t do that! That would be worse than what happened to
The administration denied that it was trying to
dampen enthusiasm for Obama, noting it would have been “just as quick
to ban McCain, if anybody had ever shown any inclination to become
addicted that particular sleep aid.”
For the moment, Obama will remain available from CNN, MSNBC, and licensed methadone clinics.
Next: How far has the craze spread?
if Obama was really as destructive as other drugs, one Wisconsin
sheriff replied “Oh, sure he’s harmless. Just a little fun, right?
That’s what the yuppies used to say about cocaine. Then we had crack,
then freebasing, then speedballs, then the next thing you know I flunk
out of Beloit and have to get work in Law enforcement. What?”
Be sure to read the rest of our series on Obama:
Part II: How far and how fast has the craze spread?
Part III: The scientific evidence: is it healthy for teeth to be that shiny?
Part IV: The ‘medical Obama’ movement
Line of the Day is not
an authorized infotainment
product! It contains material not previously cleared/authored by Karl
Rove. By definition, therefore, it is a farrago of lies and pretentious
word choices. Only the part in bold
is stolen from