"Difficile est satiram non scribere." (It is difficult to not write satire.) - Juvenal

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Line of the Day

February 8, 2008



The day before the New Hampshire primary, Hillary Clinton teared up on camera.
The day before Super Tuesday, Hillary Clinton teared up on camera and had  coughing fit on-air.
After Super Tuesday, Clinton announced that she had loaned her own campaign $5 Million, and her campaign implied that senior staff were going unpaid.  The latter was particularly surprising as Clinton is one of the all-time greatest political fund raisers in American history.

Aides denied any suggestion that Clinton was in any way exaggerating her difficulties or even seeking to play to her supporter's sense of victim hood.  Nonetheless, a draft memo fished from the garbage cans behind her campaign HQ is suggestive:

February 9 - LA, NE, WA Caucuses:  Cry on camera, walk with limp

February 12 - VA, DC, MD Primaries:  Cry, limp, wear sunglasses, then remove to reveal black eye.  Deny Bill hit you.  

February 19 - HI Caucus, WI Primary:  Announce cutting back tour schedule to accommodate second job as Waffle House waitress.

March 4 - OH, RI, TX, VT Primaries:  Wear arm in sling.  Facial bruising.  Deny Obama hit you.

March 8 - WY Caucus:  Sling, neck brace, eye patch.  Prosthetic hand?  Claw?  Too harsh?  Peg leg?  Too Pirate-y??  Youth vote?

March 11 - MS Primary: Act sleepy; explain that budget cuts have left you malnourished because you insist "staffers eat first."

April 22 - PA Primary:  Offer to sell Kidney, "lightly bruised."

May 20 - KY, OR Primaries:  Wheelchair!  Polio!  FDR!

June 3 - MT, SD Primaries:  TBD:  Just a crown of thorns or a real cross??  Will depend on polling.  


Further research tasks:  What did Bette Davis have in "Dark Victory"?  What did the girl die of in "Love Story"?  Can we save the crucifixion for the general?

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Warning! The Line of the Day is not an authorized infotainment product! It contains material not previously cleared/authored by Karl Rove. By definition, therefore, it is a farrago of lies and pretentious word choices. Only the part in bold is stolen from actual news sources.