Line of the Day
MILWAUKEE -- How close was President George W. Bush to becoming baseball commissioner?
If a new book by former baseball commissioner Fay Vincent is to be believed, very close.
"Fay, what do you think about me becoming commissioner?" Bush asked
Vincent several months after Vincent was forced out as commissioner in
September 1992. Bush owned the Texas Rangers at the time.
"I think it's a great idea," Vincent said.
"Do you think I'd make a good commissioner?" Bush asked Vincent.
"Absolutely," Vincent answered. "You're smart. You love baseball. Is it something you want?"
Replied Bush: "Well, I've been thinking about it. (Bud) Selig tells me
that he would love to have me be commissioner and he tells me that he
can deliver it."
The American Society of
satirists today pre-emptively awarded this story the 2008 Gerald Ford
Award for satire that writes itself. “It’s really just too
much,” said one scribbler. “If satire was food, we’d
all be in insulin shock right now. I mean, where do you
start? The gullibility? Swallowing the favorable story line
from Selig, then from Chalabi and Curveball? The insane miscues
he would surely have pursued? The hope that, as opposed to a war
the kills ten of thousands of civilians and thousands of American
troops, baseball might actually have engaged Bush’s interest for
more than a day or two? The possibility that David Addington
would crap all over a hundred years of tradition and assert
Bush’s right to call balls and strikes from the
Commissioner’s office? It’s too much. I
can’t be expected to pick a target.”
Others differed. Jonah “It’s a hard G” Gerbils,
from National Review Imaginary, said “Clearly, the umpires have
been allowed to impose their own pro-Cuban agenda for years, by
allowing batters born in foreign lands to have called balls. This
is just one more liberal fascist attempt to enforce a collectivist
approach to balls and strikes, and it’s high time someone but his
shiny black boot down.”
At least one analyst noted the irony that, had Bush been
Commissioner of Baseball, and had he pursued steroids with the vigor,
not to say the bulllheaded inquisitorial fetishism, that he pursued
non-existent Iraqi WMD, history would have been significantly
different. "Yeah, that's effing hilarious," said the former PFC
Larry Simkins, of Tulsa, OK. "Instead of a clean sport and peace
in the Middle East, Curt Schilling wins a tainted World Series and I
get my legs lopped off because Bush had the wrong job. Freakin'
Line of the Day is not
an authorized infotainment
product! It contains material not previously cleared/authored by Karl
Rove. By definition, therefore, it is a farrago of lies and pretentious
word choices. Only the part in bold
is stolen from actual news