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Fri December 19, 2003 06:14 PM ET
By Salah Sarrar and Peter Graff
TRIPOLI/LONDON (Reuters) - Libya, a pariah state for decades, took a major leap toward rejoining the international community on Friday by announcing it will abandon its weapons of mass destruction programs.
Libya's Foreign Ministry confirmed it had decided "of its free will" to "completely eliminate the internationally banned weapons of mass destruction."
President Bush said Libya has begun rejoining the "community of nations, … He's agreed immediately and unconditionally to allow inspectors from international organizations to enter Libya," the president said.
Asked if the United States would be willing to do the same and give up its own WMD, President Bush broke into a laughing fit that lasted almost two minutes. Aides later clarified that what he meant to say was "Not a chance in Hell."
Bush told reporters Libya had already disclosed the extent of its programs. Apparently, Libya was working on nerve gas, had a limited uranium-enrichment pilot project, and conducted preliminary research on a weapon described only as "the mother of all wedgies."
Officials at Los Alamos, who had been tasked with designing a new generation of nuclear weapons to target buried WMD production facilities in states such as Iraq and Libya, were reported to be furious. "Goddamn surrender-monkey!" sputtered one. "Show a little backbone, for crying out loud. What kind of man buckles to the threat of invasion?"
He was calmed by a supervisor, who assured him the new bomb would go forward "as long as Microneia poses a threat to American Samoa."
Analysts are speculating on Libya's motives. Qaddafi has a vast personal fortune, and is probably not bribable. Most agree that the threat of U.S. military force was the deciding factor. "Have you ever tried to dig a spider hole in sand?" said one. "The sides just keep caving in." One suggested that a desire to meet the Bush twins was behind the Libyan move, while another possibility is that Qadddafi wants to visit Dollywood before he dies. In any case
Not everyone was enthused about the news. Paull Wolfowitz was reportedly quiet upset, and Vice-President Cheney was rumored to be incensed that he had picked Syria in the office "next to cave" pool instead of Libya.
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The rest is the fakey part.
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