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Office Holiday Party Etiquette

Santa isn't that lonely. Or drunk. Ted, from accounting, is both.


Cold War Missiles target of Blackout

By Christopher LeeWashington Post Staff Writer

Monday, August 21, 2006; Page A01

The Bush administration has begun designating as secret some information that the government long provided even to its enemy the former Soviet Union: the numbers of strategic weapons in the U.S. nuclear arsenal during the Cold War.

The information includes the fact that in 1971, the U.S. possessed 54 Titan ICBMs and 1,000 Minuteman ICBMs. Asked how such data could possibly cause any harm to U.S. interests here in 2006, a Pentagon spokesman “They redacted what?!? Those [Redacted] idiots! I’m going to go down there and [Redact] them a new [Redacted].”

Nonetheless, others believe the move is part of a larger effort. “Look, this administration is getting tired of being nailed time after time with their own words from 2002-2003 about WMD, being greeted as liberators, and Iraq’s supposed support for al-Qaeda,” said Lockbox Slipstream of the Hermitage Foundation. “The day will come when they’re going to need to be able to redact from the historical record pretty much everything Bush has ever said. But they know they can’t start with something so obvious. So they start by re-classifying staggeringly obvious and unimportant data that is at least in a field where some secrecy is legitimate. Then they just need to keep expanding the list of classified items until they get to the point they can claim the President’s 2003 State of the Union Address is now classified.”

The Pentagon denied any such move was afoot, then announced the following items of data were also classified:

–The mean average rainfall in Topeka

–The capacity, in cubic feet per hour per hour, of the Metro-North natural gas pipeline in Illinois

–The china pattern used in the White House

–The number of dog bites reported to the CDC in 1982

–The latitude and longitude of Baghdad

Warning! The Line of the Day is not an authorized infotainment product! It contains material not previously cleared/authored by Karl Rove. By definition, therefore, it is a farrago of lies and pretentious word choices. Only the part in bold is stolen from actual news sources.