Usually that line is a come-on for "donations" via Paypal. Well, we know you're broke, and we'd just spend the money on sniffing glue anyway, so forget money. Send us feedback. Like this story? Hate it? Think we're the lamest site since microsoft.com?
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Alex Belida, Pentagon, 18 Dec 2003, 19:31 UTC
www.voanews.com
The head of the U.S. team hunting for weapons of mass destruction in Iraq may be leaving his position. …
A defense official quotes Defense Secretary Donald Rumsfeld as saying at a meeting closed to the news media the terrorist threat to the coalition is greater than Iraq's missing chemical and biological weapons. This official quotes Mr. Rumsfeld as saying: "We're not getting shot at by WMD" - the acronym for weapons of mass destruction.
When the army was asked if it wasn't ironic that plain old bullets and grenades - which we always knew Saddam had in abundance - were proving to be a greater threat than WMD, CENTCOM Philologist and Chief Lexicographer Major Humbertus Q. Predilection denied it. "You civilian weenies think we ground-pounders don't know about concepts like irony, huh? Well, let me tell you, Mister, life in the finely-tuned machine that is the U.S. Army can give a man a belly full of irony, so listen to me when I say there is nothing either ironic nor troubling about the fact that we're getting blown up by the weapons we discounted before the war while we can't find the ones we came for. No, sir. No irony there."
Reminded that irony can also refer to "incongruity between the actual result of a sequence of events and the normal or expected result," the officer replied "well la-di-dah, don't we like to show off our fancy education! Well, I went to community college, too, and I can assure you that in the Army we call that a SNAFU. Because of our deeply pessimistic nature, we expect SNAFUs. Therefore they cannot be incongruous with the expected result, and therefore cannot be ironic."
Asked if that meant the administration had in fact expected NOT to find WMD, Maj. Predilection responded "Look, boy, I can smell attempted Socratic irony a mile off, you with your 'pretense of ignorance and of willingness to learn from another assumed in order to make the other's false conceptions conspicuous by adroit questioning.' And your premises are SNAFU'd, because your questioning is not adroit, and there are no false conceptions to be revealed here, unless we're talking about your mother and the hobo or work-release inmate that produced you."
Told he was a liar with burning pants, Predilection suggested that perhaps he was just being ironic. Asked what the difference was between an ironic statement, where the words mean the opposite of their definition, and a plain old lie, Predilection replied "When I say 'I love pushups,' I am being ironic. When I say 'I never slept with your wife,' I am lying. Irony is not intended to be believed. Kind of like White House press briefings."
Remember, Kids, the part in bold is actual 100% news-flavored media product.
The rest is the fakey part.
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