'No Evidence' That Weapons Were Sought
By Joby Warrick and Glenn Kessler
Washington Post Staff Writers
Tuesday, November 11, 2003; Page A01
Iran manufactured small amounts of enriched uranium and plutonium as part of a nuclear program that operated in secret for 18 years, according to a confidential report by a U.N. agency. The report harshly criticizes Iran for deliberately hiding evidence of its nuclear program from international inspectors and for numerous "breaches" in its nuclear treaty obligations.
The 29-page report by the International Atomic Energy Agency (IAEA) says there is "no evidence" so far that Iran had sought to build a nuclear bomb, as asserted by the Bush administration, but the U.N. watchdog said it would keep investigating this claim. Given Iran's "past pattern of concealment, it will take some time before the agency is able to conclude that Iran's nuclear program is exclusively for peaceful purposes," the report says.
"The IAEA just doesn't know who Iran is anymore," according to a copy of the report. "The IAEA thought we had something special, a kind of relationship that doesn't come along every day. But then we find out that you were just like every other proliferator, lying to us all the time. The IAEA is not sure that it will ever be able to love another nation again."
Nonetheless, America still thinks the IAEA is deceiving itself. "They keep saying there's no evidence of a weapons program," said Secretary of State Powell. "But anybody with eyes can see that Iran's a complete WMD junkie, and it isn't going to get better anywhere this side of a twelve-step program. I mean, you don't hang out partying until dawn with Syria and North Korea and expect us to believe they were only drinking yoo-hoo."
Even now, however, the IAEA is reported to be ready to believe that Iran "just needs another chance," that "Nobody understands what a hard life Iran has had - nobody except me" and "I can reform Iran - he'll change for me."
"Yeah, right," responded the United Kingdom. "Just wait - in a few days, Iran's going to go around to Vienna at dinnertime and claim they just need to pick up a few things, they won't stay long, yadda yadda yadda. Once they get inside the door, they'll start talking about the old times, they'll start apologizing for their uranium enrichment program, and next thing you know they're raiding the IAEA's fridge for breakfast the next day. Then two days later the IAEA will show up at the UN with a black eye and claim it was an accident, that they 'bumped into a legitimate civilian research program by mistake, and it'll start all over again."
Remember, Kids, the part in bold is actual 100% news-flavored media product.
The rest is the fakey part.
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