Difficile est satiram non scribere.
(It is difficult not to write satire.)
--Juvenal
Clark Collects a Large Sum in a Short Time
By KATHARINE Q. SEELYE
WASHINGTON, Sept. 21 - Gen. Wesley K. Clark has gathered $750,000 in unsolicited contributions since Thursday, when he announced his candidacy for the Democratic presidential nomination, his campaign aides said today.
General Clark is in a race against the clock: the other nine candidates, who have been collecting money for a year, will file their third-quarter reports on Sept. 30. Senator John Kerry of Massachusetts had led the fund-raising as of the last filing, on June 30, with $16 million, but Howard Dean, the former governor of Vermont, is expected to have surged ahead, having raised $15 million in this quarter alone.
Muskrat News Quiz:
What does the word "unsolicited" mean?
Does it mean that complete strangers who had neither been approached nor seen blanket appeals through, e.g., a web site, just started throwing money at Clark's campaign? Wow. What luck, huh? Most candidates have to shuck and jive like their butts were on fire to raise money, and Clark gets his "unsolicited." Why, it's almost like it descended from heaven! Maybe Clark is some kind of prophet - a reluctant one, of course.
Asked for comments, other campaigns also touted their luck in receiving that which they did not seek. "We got a casserole delivered to our Manchester, NH office," said Gephart spokesperson Dale Dithers. "But no three-quarter of a million dollars." Dean spokesman reported that the Vermont Governor's campaign has received millions of dollars, but all of it has been solicited by virtue of the candidate's public appeals for funds. "We did get a '84 Volvo from the father of one of our interns which we didn't ask for, but he was going to give it the Salvation Army anyway, so I'm not sure that counts," said one Dean aide.
Asked if there was any connection between the "unsolicited" campaign donations, "spontaneous" crowds which greeted Clark after his announcement, and a recent whispering campaign by ex-President Clinton regarding the General's qualifications, a Clark spokesperson said "I can't talk right now - I'm about to line up an unsought-for endorsement from a former Clinton cabinet member."
(Remember, Kids, the part in bold is actual 100% news-flavored media product. The rest is the fakey part.)
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