Clear Skies as China Counts Down to Space Launch Tue 14 October, 2003 15:20 BST By Jonathan Ansfield BEIJING (Reuters) - China began the final countdown Tuesday in its bid to become just the third nation to rocket a man into orbit, with clear skies forecast over the Gobi desert launchpad where liftoff was due to come as soon as Wednesday.  The pride of the fast-growing nation is pinned to the mission, but the government has scrapped plans to allow its 1.3 billion people to witness the launch live, the official People's Daily newspaper said on its Web site english.peopledaily.com.cn. Monday, mission control successfully simulated the launch of the Shenzhou V, or "Divine Ship," and was fueling the spacecraft, the Lanzhou Morning Post, based in the province of Gansu, reported from the launch base in nearby Inner Mongolia.  … After months of secrecy, the official Xinhua news agency said last week the manned mission would blast off from the Jiuquan Satellite Launch Base between Wednesday and Friday and make 14 orbits, spending about 21 hours in space. Chinese television began whetting the popular appetite for otherworldly adventure Monday.  But in a possible sign of Beijing's apprehensions, several newspapers said state broadcaster CCTV planned to show only taped footage of the launch. It canceled live coverage on the advice of "relevant space experts," the Lanzhou paper said. Asked if this was some sort of attempt to hedge in case the mission failed, a spokesman for the Chinese Ministry of Space Rockets Which Are Not Leaking Dangerously replied "Nonsense.  The mission will not fail.  It will specifically not explode in a giant fireball a few seconds into the flight, sending flaming chunks of poorly-designed space rocket plunging into the surrounding countryside and setting off a gigantic purge of the Space and Aeronautics Design Cadre."  Asked to provide an alternate reason why such an historic event would not be televised live, the Ministry later provided the following list of reasons: --Late-night launch window would leave nation too sleepy next day to slave well. --Ignorant peasants not understand working of giant fire stick. --Don't want to miss seeing Cubs game live; can watch space shot later --Ministry Political Watchdogs not understand working of giant fire stick --Cameramen afraid to be anywhere near rocket when launched --Nagging fear designers not understand working of giant fire stick --Slave laborers make for cranky, inconsistent welders --Launch will go too smoothly to be interesting --What are you, some kind of spy? --Since Tiananmen, Politburo hates all TV except "The Bachelor" --Wires on "rocket" might show up against painted backdrop --Some work subcontracted to Raytheon, and we all know what stumblebums they are --Can't reschedule 2,884th showing of "Life of Mao" --Everybody watching satellite pornography anyway Remember, Kids, the part in bold is actual 100% news-flavored media product. The rest is the fakey part. Home                                                                                                     Previous Lines of the Day