Russia's Economy Less Competitive Than Tanzania's
By Valeria Korchagina
Staff Writer
Despite five years of healthy growth, Russia has yet to earn a place among the world's leading economies, the World Economic Forum said in a report issued Thursday.
The organization's Global Competitiveness Report puts Russia at No. 70 among 102 countries surveyed in terms of growth competitiveness, down from 65th out of 80 surveyed last year. The report covers 97.8 percent of the world's economy.
Neighboring Finland takes first place, followed by the United States, Sweden, Denmark and Taiwan.
The index is based on three broad categories of variables that drive economic growth in the medium and long term: technology, public institutions, and macroeconomic environment.
Russia's poor performance -- it is ranked between the minor African economies of Tanzania and Ghana -- is due to its high rate of inflation, which is expected to surpass the government's 12 percent target this year, inefficiencies in the banking system and a broad range of institutional factors.
Analysts said an additional consideration is Russia's "Crappy" climate. "My God, have you seen the winters in Siberia? You should never be so cold," said one analyst. Others disagreed, pointing to Russia's relentlessly beet-centric cuisine and endemic clinical depression. Still others suggested the omnipresence of badly-constructed, soul-blighting Stalinist-era architecture as a factor in making people, money, talent, and opportunity all flee Russia as if it were infected.
Asked if Tanzania, a poor country with minimal infrastructure and high rates of violent crime would not also suffer from social drawbacks, a Forum spokesman replied "Yeah, we know, but it's the whole tropics thing. No matter how hellish it gets, at the end of the day you kick back on the veranda with a cold beer and watch the tracer fire in the suburbs, and it just seems OK somehow."
Russian officials are aware of this problem, and are working on solutions. "We've got the drinking thing going for us - we couldn't get through the day without getting sloppy on vodka - but that's not going to be enough." Plans reportedly include replacing Russia's traditionally lugubrious folk music with sprightlier Caribbean-style rhythms and the encouragement of a new form of emotional expression known as 'laughter,' which is believed to make nearby listeners feel slightly less grim. Still, Russia has a long way to go. "Thigh-deep snowdrifts just don't put people in that happy-go-lucky mood," sighed one official. "And the steel drum band has been off-key since they got mauled by a polar bear."
Remember, Kids, the part in bold is actual 100% news-flavored media product.
The rest is the fakey part.
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