Difficile est satiram non scribere.
(It is difficult not to write satire.)
--Juvenal
(Remember, Kids, the part in bold is actual 100% news-flavored media product. The rest is the fakey part.)
Tue May 27, 2003 03:19 PM ET
By Maggie Fox, Health and Science Correspondent
WASHINGTON (Reuters) - Mad cow disease still mystifies scientists because it is not caused by a virus, bacteria or other microbes, does not alert the immune system and can jump from species to species.
BSE is a member of a class of diseases called transmissible spongiform encephalopathies (TSEs). They are believed to be caused by misfolded proteins called prions. Since these proteins occur naturally in the body, they do not alert the immune system as a virus or bacteria would to prompt a fight against the disease.
Recent research suggests the "bad" prions can cause others to go bad simply by touching them.
Proteins are made by cells following instructions laid out in the genes. But like a cardboard box, a protein must be folded to function and they sometimes get folded into the wrong shape. Usually a cell will recognize this and cause it to be broken up.
Bad Prions can be recognized by their attire: white t-shirts with packs of cigarettes rolled up in their sleeves, as well as their tendency to listen to loud "Rock RNA Roll" music and to disrespect the folding patterns of their elders.
"These young proteins just won't fold properly," sniffed Melinda Dogwood-Harbottle, of the Young Protein Decency League. "They just hang around outside the nucleaus after school and try to convince innocent young proteins to come to their juke-joints, where they fold in ways that God did mean them to fold."
But Lenny "Cruiser" Pittomero, disagreed. Speaking as he straddled his chrome-plated ribosome outside the local Maltochondria shoppe, he said "Hey, we're just trying to have some fun, man. Sure, they say that badly-fodled proteins willa ccumulate and eventually destroy the cell's emtabolism, but they said they same thing about Jack Kerouc, dude, and the Man is still here, still running the same old grey flannel scam on you squares.