Difficile est satiram non scribere.
(It is difficult not to write satire.)
--Juvenal
September 4, 2003
Powell offers role to U.N.
WASHINGTON (AP) -- The Bush administration offered on Wednesday to share with the United Nations the long-dominant U.S. role in Iraq's postwar reconstruction, an effort Secretary of State Colin Powell described as "essentially putting the Security Council in the game."
American commanders would remain in charge of peacekeeping operations in Iraq, but there, too, "we are asking the international community to join us even more than they have in the past," Powell said.
A resolution may be ready for submission to the Security Council next week, he said as he telephoned foreign ministers. U.S. Ambass-ador John Negroponte circulated a draft to other U.N. ambassadors in New York, and Powell said initial reactions were positive. The canvassing was described by Powell as aggressive.
In Iraq, meanwhile, the United States handed military control over a large belt of Iraq south of Baghdad to a Polish commander.
The zone includes the towns of Najaf, Karbala and Hillah and a region extending to the Iranian border, though the handover of Najaf, the holiest Shiite city in Iraq, was delayed because of last week's car bombing.
Poland was brought in as a defensive replacement as part of a proposed double-switch with the UN. Poland would bat in the 4th Infantry Division's spot, and the UN will bat in the Marines' spot. Poland was recently brought up from the minors by the U.S. as part of its expanded September roster. Poland had a good year in the U.S.'s AAA NATO affiliate, and is described as "a bright young prospect" by Coach Rumsfeld.
Meanwhile, some observers worry that the UN is not the answer to America's problems. "Sure, they have great force, but they're erratic at best," said broadcaster CNN. "When they pitched in Somalia we got literally shelled, and it took them forever to find the strike zone in Serbia."
Asked if it wasn't a little early in the game to be bringing the security council in as a relief pitcher, Powell said that manager George Bush wanted to get the U.S. military off the mound before its pitch count got too high. "The 101st Airborne has done a great job, but they're occupying on very little rest, and we need them to be fresh for the North Korea game," said Powell.
That game is expected to be particulary important because North Korea is currently in a close race for the wild-card spot, only a half a game ahead of Iran and two and a half ahead of Syria. Iran's recent addition of Highly Enriched Uranium to its lineup is seen by many as a move to bolster its playoff chances, but North Korea, with its lineup of Massive Conventional Forces, Wacky Ideology and Opaque Decisionmaking, is seen as the team to beat. In particular, no one has yet figured out how to deal with its bullpen ace, Undeclared Atomic Arsenal, described as "a real fireballer" by the Federation of American Scientists.
(Remember, Kids, the part in bold is actual 100% news-flavored media product. The rest is the fakey part.)
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