12/22/03 Quality of African Scams Declining
12/21/03 Alert Level Raised to "Nervous and Sweaty"
12/19/03 Qaddafi Puts Name On "Do Not Bomb" List
12/18/03 WMD Still Missing, As Is Adminstration's Sense of Irony
12/17/03 CIA Hires Dennis Franz To Interrogate Saddam
12/16/03 Saddam Whistling Theme From Great Escape
12/14/03 Saddam Unveils Bladder of Mass Obstruction
12/11/03 Missile Defense Test Wins Oscar For Special Effects
12/10/03 ?Lockheed Visited By Pentagon Spending Fairy
12/09/03 Gephardt's Whole Candidacy Now As Invisible as His Eyebrows
12/08/08 Global Hawk Not Technically A Game, Says Air Force
12/06/03 Stock Price Swings Unrelated To Heavy Trading by Supervillain Mutual Fund
12/03/03 Pentagon Announces Anti-Missile Missile Plan With Nearly Straight Face
12/02/03 Powell Loses Mideast Road Map, Stops To Ask Directions
12/01/03 Rumsfeld Says WMD Still Missing in North Carolina
11/30/03 Disney Relation Quits Over Freezer Burn Incident
11/29/03 Space Station Hits Rock, Or Maybe Space Turtle
11/26/03 New Technology Makes Bush Less Dumb
11/25/03 Nigerians Readying Exile Villa For Jackson By Giving Up Liberian
11/24/03 Reagan Movie Changes Downplay '54 Arson Conviction
11/23/03 Cat In Hat Suspected Of Kitten Molestation
11/21/03 Conspiracy Theories Hide Real Cuprits
11/20/03 Can't Resist Those Cheap Michael Jackson Jokes
11/18/03 Candidate Dean Hampered By IQ, Fixation on Irrelevant Truth
11/17/03 Rush Relives First Grade, Taunts Democrats On Playground
11/16/03 Missile Defense Progress: Mistakes Happen Earlier
11/14/03 The Appletini Presidency Meets the WTO
11/13/03 UK, US To Relieve African Cluster Bomb Shortage
11/12/03 Science Nerds Bummed By Lack of Ice on Moon
11/11/03 CNN Fake News Less Funny Than Ours
11/10/03 IAEA Seen at 7-11 Buying Comfort Food
11/07/03 Women Prevented From Defiling Bill Signing
11/06/03 Congress Invents New Word: "Porkdoggle"
11/05/03 Senators Suggest FBI "Too Nosey"
11/04/03 CBS Finds Burning Cross On Lawn; Cancels Miniseries
11/03/03 CBS Makes Murrow Glad He's Dead
11/02/03 Google Likes Microsft "As A Friend"
Previous Lines of the Day:
September
October
Older Archives