Just so we're clear on the concept, each item starts with an excerpt from a real news source.  That part is in bold.  The rest is, well, fake.  I mean, who would name an Undersecretary of State "John Bolton," anyway?
July 2004

07/28/04 
Cheney Drops Halliburton For Bayer
07/27/04 
Hillary Endorses Kerry Through Clenched Teeth
07/26/04 
Ghost of Orwell Visits Boston
07/23/94 
Army Says It's Never Done This Before
07/20/04 
Missile Defense Agency Misses The Point
07/19/04 
CIA Stuffs State Department Into Gym Locker
07/16/04 
Nerds Gone WIld
07/15/04 
Feds Detain Prometheus in "Hot Bomb" Plot
07/14/04  Ashcroft Lauds Patriot Act's Killing Power
07/13/04 
Irish Stage "Idiot Pride" Parade; Idiots Object
07/12/04 
Congress Says CIA Overestimated Boogeyman Threat
07/08/04 
Fear and Loathing in the White House
07/07/04 
Cheney "Relieved" Hobo's Corpse Found In His Bedroom
07/06/04 
New CheneyBot Promised To Be "More Vicious"
07/02/04 
New Charity Sends Help to Tragically Clueless
07/01/04 
Owner's manual for your New Hydrogen Atom
June 2004

06/30/04 
Saddam's Defense:  He Had Legal Memo Justifying Invasion of Kuwait
06/29/04 
Bremer Says He Still Respects Iraq, But Cannot Stay For Breakfast
06/28/04 
Archbishop Knows As Much ABout Law As He Does ABout Sex
06/24/04 
Rumsfeld Poetry Cruel, But Not Torture
06/23/04 
Lawyers To Test Effect Of Drugs On ... Lawyers
06/22/04 
Private Space Plane Pretty But Useless
06/21/04 
Federal Judicial Nominee To Attend law School "Soon"
06/18/04 
Fox To Guard Hen House
06/17/04 
Bush Says Regrets Sosa Trade, But Slugger Had Ties To al-Qaeda
06/16/04 
Senator Kennedy Shows Lack of Imagination
06/15/04 
Man,  Was This Embarassing
06/14/04 
Hot New Stock Tip:  Street Gang IPOs
06/11/04 
Reagan Funeral To Feature Moving Eulogy For Hair Dye
06/10/04
Cyborg Park Rangers Hand Out Maps, Justice
06/09/04 
Bush Memo says Commander in Chief Has Authority to Litter, Spit
06/08/04 
NEA, Oddly, Funds Reagan Funeral
06/07/04 
To Honor Reagan, Federal Offices And American Minds To Close Friday
06/03/04 
Bush Thanks God Irony Died on 9/11
06/02/04 
Government Declares Matches to be "The New WMD"
06/01/04 
Memorial Day Isn't The Way We Remember It Being
Home                                
Previous Lines of the Day:
September
October
November
December
  
January
February-March
April-May      
     
Older Archives