Just so we're clear on the concept, each item starts with an excerpt from a real news source.  That part is in bold.  The rest is, well, fake.  I mean, who would name an Undersecretary of State "John Bolton," anyway?
March 2004

03/30/04 
San Francisco Does For Baseball What It Did For Marriage
03/29/04 
Cheap Shot at BMDO Hits Target
03/28/04 
New Uses For Old Nukes: Radioactive Potpourri
03/24/04 
Atheist Sets Daughter Up For Lifetime of Taunting
03/23/04 
Russian Battlecruiser Panned by Critics
03/22/04  President Says "I Think, Therefore I Invade"
03/21/04 
Foreigners Just Don't Get American Justice
03/18/04 
Terrorists Acquire Highly Classified Technology To Make Mud
03/17/04 
In Sign of Desperation, RNC Solicits Muskrat Help
03/15/04 
Nap Time is For Untermenschen, Says Principal
03/14/04 
Pentagon Rediscovers Love of French Ideas
03/11/04 
Success of Passion Leads to TV Spinoffs
03/10/04 
DARPA Military Robot To Be "100% Rampage Free"
03/09/04 
New Hubble Image Not Airbrushed At All, Says Oddly Quiet NASA
03/08/04  ?
CIA "Skeet Team" Grounded in Zimbabwe
03/07/04 
Homeland Security Working Hard to Scare Us All To Death
03/05/05 
Kerry Defeats Edwards, Leaving Fringe candidates and Time travelers
03/02/04 
Aristide Claims He Was Cheated of Oscar For Best Thugocracy
03/01/04 
Oscars:  Karl Rove Wins Best Screenplay for "Gulf War II"
February 2004

02/27/04 
Pentagon Defends Crucifixion Scene in "Passion of the Halliburton"
02/26/04 
Haiti Violence Given its Own MTV Special
02/25/04 
NY Schools Train Students For Lives as Haliburton Wage Slaves
02/24/04 
Halliburton Probe Proceeding On "All 1.2 Cylinders"
02/23/04 
Nader Sees Shadow of a Chance, So We Get Four More Years of War
02/20/04 
Chicago Permits The Dead to Marry
02/19/04  White House Distorts Science, According To Unpatriotic Longhairs
02/17/04  GIbson Deletes Jar-Jar Binks From Passion Flic, Adds Yoda The Apostle
02/16/04 
Yankess Acquire A-Rod, Refuse IAEA Inspections
02/12/04 
Bush Hopes Voters Won't Export His Job To Massachusetts-Based Rival
02/10/04 
Service Records Show No "Service Related Program Activites"
02/09/04 
Sharon Blames Kidney Stones on "Mineral Extremists"
02/08/04 
Dean Second to "Homicidal Rage" in Haitian Primary
02/05/04 
M*skr^t N<ws Rns Lw N V0wls, Sks Mkshft Sbst1tts
02/04/04 
Courts Allow Scientists Access to 9,000 Year Old Skeleton
02/03/04 
Gibson To Save Blood Libel For "Blooper Reel"
02/02/04 
NASA Hard At Work on Jackson Wardrobe - Supply your own commas
02/01/04 
UN Inspectors fail to Discover NMD in US
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