09/30/03 Translators May Be Spies, But Thank God They're Straight
09/29/03 Syria, Iran Propose "Do Not Invade" List
09/28/03 Cold Snap in Hell As Cubs Clinch Division
09/26/03 Gates Reads Shelley, Misses Point
09/25/03 Foreigners Seem Angry; White House Puzzled
09/24/03 West Wing Turns to Cartoon Format
09/23/03 Bush Fundraising Magic Flops at UN
09/22/03 Space Probe Unlikely To Produce Angry Aliens, Says NASA
09/21/03 Candidate Clark "Shocked" To Find People Giving Him Money
09/19/03 Zimbabwe Journalists More Professional Than Smart
09/18/03 Space Elevator Opens Cosmos to Muzak, Embarassed Silences
09/17/03 Condi Rice Admits Iraq Not Tied to 9/11, Makes Finger Quotes Around "Oops."
09/16/03 Bolton Nice Man, Gives us Biscuits
09/15/03 So we missed another day - we're busy! Who are you, the Pulitzer committee?
09/14/03 Coup in Guinea-Bissau Validates "Guinea + 4 Rule"
09/13/03 Pope Looking More Slavic Than Ever
09/12/03 Muskrats must choose between writing for minuscule readership or free food and drink at law firm receptions. Muskrats Did Not Have To Think Hard About This. Muskrats will be back when free food runs out.
09/11/03 Edward Teller Dies, Survived by Generations of Existential Terror
09/10/03 Microsoft Announces "Uhhh... Guess What..."
09/09/03 German Filmmaker Dies Approximately Sixty years After Her Stars
09/08/03 Burmese Activist Not on Hunger Strike; Just Skinny
09/07/03 Bush Poll Numbers Confusing - to Bush
09/06/03 Muskrats Interviewing for jobs AND Cubs on TV
09/05/05 Larry, Moe, Curly Retract Science Findings
09/04/03 UN Called On For Middle Relief
09/03/03 Cubs on TV; Muskrats too busy to write
09/02/03 North Korea Mutes Anger at U.S. After Sleepover, Good Cry
09/01/03 Dean, To Compete With Bush, Drops Funding Limits And 50 IQ Points