Difficile est satiram non scribere.
(It is difficult not to write satire.)
--Juvenal
U.S.: Syria Lets Militants Kill U.S. Forces in Iraq
Tue September 16, 2003 12:53 PM ET
WASHINGTON (Reuters) - Syria has failed to stop militants from crossing into Iraq to kill U.S. forces and it continues to pursue chemical and biological weapons programs, a leading Bush administration hawk said on Tuesday.
U.S. Undersecretary of State John Bolton told Congress the United States must keep open the option of using "every tool" -- code for the remote possibility of military action -- to dissuade Syria and others from pursuing chemical, biological or nuclear weapons.
While saying the United States had yet not found any information to substantiate media reports that Iraq might have transferred some of its suspected weapons of mass destruction to Syria, Bolton said Washington was concerned by the reports.
Asked what exactly concerned him about a rumor in the press that had been thoroughly vetted by the U.S. Government and found to be baseless, Bolton replied "Clearly, even the possibility that such a transfer has occurred is a serious concern. The fact that the rumor started with me, and has no basis in fact, is not important. What is important is that we will be able to use it later to justify any action me might decide to take against Syria."
Asked if his admission that he had created the story out of whole cloth might impair its credibility, Bolton replied "But how do you know it's not true? It's at least as true as the statement that Iraq had massive WMD stockpiles. Any dimwit should realize by now that the whole WMD thing was one big, fat, shiny, stinky, five-day old fish of a lie, but you keep solemnly reporting it. Mark my words: when we've spent six months picking through the looted rubble of Damascus and failed to find any sign of Iraqi WMD, you'll still be reporting it was there."
Bolton's remarks appeared to cast some doubt on the professionalism and integrity of the journalism world. Asked if that was his intention, Bolton replied "Absolutely not. I'm questioning your intelligence and your imagination, not your integrity. You just can't believe that I'd stand up here and lie through my teeth, or that the President himself would lie to you, so you run around like a dog chasing a ball his owner only pretended to throw."
Bolton then proceeded to scratch our tummies and told us we were "good doggies."
Next Week: Our Three-Part Series on Syria's role in Iraq's WMD Program.
(Remember, Kids, the part in bold is actual 100% news-flavored media product. The rest is the fakey part.)
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