Difficile est satiram non scribere.
(It is difficult not to write satire.)
--Juvenal
(Remember, Kids, the part in bold is actual 100% news-flavored media product. The rest is the fakey part.)
Sun May 25, 2003 07:17 AM ET
WASHINGTON (Reuters) - The Bush administration has cut off contact with Iran, and Pentagon officials are pushing for action they believe could destabilize the government of the Islamic republic, The Washington Post reported in its Sunday edition.
The move follows intelligence reports suggesting al Qaeda operatives in Iran played a role in the May 12 suicide bombings in Saudi Arabia, according to the newspaper.
Citing administration officials, the newspaper said the White House "appears ready to embrace an aggressive policy of trying to destabilize the Iranian government."
Officials will meet Tuesday at the White House to discuss the Iran strategy, with Pentagon officials pressing for action that could lead to the toppling of the government through a popular uprising, the Post said.
"We have a highly-trained cadre of exiles combat-trained and ready to go," said one un-named Pentagon source, "And we even have a landing site all picked out for them at a place called … let me see here…. My Arabic is a little rusty…the Estuary… no, inlet… bay? Of Unclean animals…. Cloven-hoofed ones….well, that could be a lot of things… let's just call it the Bay of Pigs." Advised that Iranians speak Farsi, not Arabic, the source replied "Well, that explains a lot. Wow. I always wondered why that area in Northeast Iran was called the Plain of Jars…I wonder if we got anything else wrong? …. Naaah. Probably not."
Outside observers agree. "Let's see," said Cadwallader McFleemus, of the Washington Institute for Nearly Eastern Studies. "We have a country that is intensely annoying to us, in an area of American hegemony, run by men in beards, which makes its money exporting things people burn, a country where the young people are very proud of having thrown off U.S. dominance, and which the Pentagon believes can be toppled by a few CIA actions and the funding of a handful of paramilitary exiles. No, no parallel with Cuba there. And there won't be any looting, either."