Line of the Day
Karl Rove, Self Described Political Genius, was confidently leaking to
reporters as late as this last weekend that he was confident the
Republicans would retain control of both houses of Congress in
Tuesday's election. Instead, they lost both houses.
At Bush's Wednesday press conference, Bush was asked about Rove, and he said "I obviously was working harder in the campaign than he was."
Asked if there would be any repercussions for Rove, Bush responded "He's doing a heckuva Job."
In possibly related news, an unmarked van was seen dropping off the manacled body of a pudgy-middleaged political consultant in a tidal swamp on the Virginia side of the Potomac early this morning. The figure was thrown from the moving vehicle at high speed.
In totally unrelated events, local habituÈs of Rap's Red Dog Saloon, in Whipsicook, Virginia, reported being annoyed by a fellow drinker. The pudgy stranger, dressed in a distressed beige suit, simply would not stop talking about John Kerry as he downed several Harvey Wallbangers. "Kerry!", he would shout occasionally. "Kerry hates you! Thinks you're a bunch of punks. Him and Jane Fonda. Hanoi Jane! Boo!"
After being ignored for almost a half an hour, the talkative stranger made what was, in retrospect, a mistake. Getting no response to his repeated demands that the bar patrons agree with him that "John Kerry is evil," the man sidled over to WIlliam Hazlitt, 33, a local building contractor. "What about sodomy?" slurred the interloper.
Stunned, Hazlitt had no reply as the man continued. "Sodomy's all over. Creeping up on us. Destroying our marriages. But I can stop it. Oh, yes. Give me some votes and I can stop it in its tracks." Compounding his error, the stranger then placed a hand on Hazlitt's knee and murmured "What do you think? Is sodomy worth it?"
As he was being taken to the hospital, the stranger was heard to mutter "If you kick me in the kidneys again, the terrorists win."