Line of the Day
The Year Of Playing Dirtier
Negative Ads Get Positively Surreal

By Michael Grunwald
Washington Post Staff Writer
Friday, October 27, 2006; A01

Rep. Ron Kind pays for sex, [according to Paul Nelson] the Republican challenger for his Wisconsin congressional seat.  ...  According to Nelson's ads, the Democrat also wants to "let illegal aliens burn the American flag" and "allow convicted child molesters to enter this country."

To Nelson, that doesn't even qualify as negative campaigning.

"Negative campaigning is vicious personal attacks," he said in an interview. "This isn't personal at all."

Asked to clarify how such slurs could not be personal, Nelson cited the Godfather movies, in which various bloody-handed thugs explain to each other that murder "is just business, it's not personal."  Asked if he were explictly accepting the Mafia's standards of decency for his own, Nelson shrugged, dropped the gun, picked up the cannoli, and left.

We here at Muskrat News want to salute Paul Nelson for showing us the way.  Nelson, a necrophiliac with intense body odor problems, is the kind of man we need in Congress.  A man who routinely fondles pets for sexual purposes.  A man who has a tattoo of Satan on hs butt.  A man who used to be a woman, and who, for $10, will pretend to be one again for five minutes.  A hard worker, despite his crippling methamphetamine addiction, he managed to become "employee of the month" at the "happy hands" massage parlor where he makes his living.  Devoted to community activities, he is a one-man citizen's crime patrol, roaming the streets at night breaking into cars.  His constant public urination is as much a sign of his kidney damage from years of drinking anti-freeze as it is a by-product of the repated beatings he has suffered from enraged loan sharks and bookies.  He can provide he kind of leadership for Wisconsin that Pol Pot provided for Cambodia, but with more vigor and enthusiasm. 

Nothing personal.