"Difficile est satiram non scribere." (It is difficult to not write satire.) - Juvenal

Line of the Day

October 20, 2006


Conservative Voters Likely to Stay at Home

Ralph Hallow, Washington Times

Top Republicans -- including President Bush, his chief strategist Karl Rove, Vice President Dick Cheney and Republican National Committee Chairman Ken Mehlman -- have been meeting with conservative activists, columnists and broadcasters, emphasizing the importance of this midterm election. ... [Nonetheless, one Conservative leader said] "They think the leadership wants them to come out every year, shine your shoes, then go sit in the back of the bus, take their Bibles and read them and shut up."

Informed of this, Rove hurried down the aisle of the gleaming "Republic of Fear '06" Trailmaster bus to assure "Values Voters" that any such perception was wrong.  "First off," he assured the polyyester-clad crowd in rows 25-32, "it's not that we WANT you to ride in the back of the bus, it's just that Alcoa, Exxon, Lockheed, and Boeing are already taking up the first few rows, and it's too late to move everybody around.  Second, stop asking about the hookers in row 12. I told you, they work for Diebold, and besides, they're all good girls from good homes. Well, not Rhonda in 12A, but she can.... look, we're getting off topic here. Now, we don't mind if you sing some hymns or something, but you have to vote first.  No vote, no supper."  When asked what was on the menu, Rove replied "Heck, what isn't on the menu?  You can have all the judges you want, we'll ban abortion, make prayer in schools mandatory, heck, we'll take the flouride out of the water supply!"

When some voters expressed concern that Rove was playing them for suckers, and that the adminstration's real focus would remain, as ever, on enhancing corporate power and proftits, Rove laughed and said "you'd never be dumb enough to fall for that again, now would you?... Seriously, would you?"  He then denied he was planning any such thing, and promised there would be rainbows, teddy bears, and unicorns for conservative voters after the election, plus free lemonade.

Warning! The Line of the Day is not an authorized infotainment product! It contains material not previously cleared/authored by Karl Rove. By definition, therefore, it is a farrago of lies and pretentious word choices. Only the part in bold is stolen from actual news sources.
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