"Difficile est satiram non scribere." (It is difficult to not write satire.) - Juvenal

Line of the Day

Book Accuses Bush Adminstration of Using Faith as Prop

The former director of faith-based programs in the Bush White House has written a book claiming that the program was just a tool to promote Republican electoral campaigns, and little money actually got funneled through faith-based charities.  The book goes on to claim that many Bush administration officials privately mocked members of the faith communities in question and referred to them as "nuts."

We decided to ask Evangelical Faith herself about the experience.  We found her loitering at the intersection of Main and Skidmore, dressed in a neon pink tank top, a black lycra miniskirt, and stiletto heels.

"Wait - let me get this straight," she said.  "That guy down at the bus station, the one with the fur coat, the tricked-out Cadillac, the big floppy hat with the feather in it, the vulgar bling — he turned out to be a pimp?!? How could this be?!? He swore he was just trying to be nice to the new girls in town! He swore he was going to protect them from bad people! He even had a place where they could stay! He planted stories in the press about how many people on his staff went to Bible Study! Bible Study!  Surely an anonymous story in the media can’t be wrong!"  Her bitter laughter quickly turned into a hacking cough that nearly dislodged her cheap blond wig.

Asked if she felt betrayed by the Administration's actions, she laughed bitterly.  "Betrayed?  Why?  Because that SOB promised to outlaw abortions and put prayer back in the schools, and all I got was the Alito nomination?"  She paused briefly to wave at a passing car, which passed without slowing down.  Asked why she didn't simply abandon Mr. Bush, Faith shrugged.  "I should, but he'd be calling me a secularist, and spreading it around town that I was in favor of cutting and running."  She paused to take a deep draw on her cigarette, then brightened.  "Besides, he said he's going to ban gay marriage for me if I bring in enough votes this year."  She smiled while shivering in the 60-degree temperature, and asked if this reporter wanted to "join the GOP majority."  This reporter declined when Faith was unable to make change for a ten.

Warning! The Line of the Day is not an authorized infotainment product! It contains material not previously cleared/authored by Karl Rove. By definition, therefore, it is a farrago of lies and pretentious word choices. Only the part in bold is stolen from actual news sources.
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