LINE OF THE DAY
By Carol Rosenberg
NEWARK, N.J. - [Lt. Cmdr. Charles Swift,] The Navy lawyer who took the Guantanamo case of Osama bin Laden's driver to the U.S. Supreme Court - and won - has been passed over for promotion by the Pentagon and must soon leave the military.
The Navy explained the move as "routine," explaining that "A lot of civilian law firms routinely fire anyone who wins a case in the Supreme Court. It's a real black mark on a lawyer's reputation." The spokesman was instantly promoted for his "insightful reasoning."
A souce speaking on deep background expalined the true reason behind he Navy's actions: "Look, we all know that the Bush administration rewards incompetence and punishes performance, right? Tenet got the Presidential medal of Freedom for screwing the pooch on WMD, and General Shinseki was treated like a pariah for telling the truth about troop needs in Iraq. Clealry, passing over Swift was a terrible idea. It'll draw publicity, scorn and satirical wisecracks from people like you. So why would anybody do it? To get promoted! The Admiral that ordered this is probably getting to pin on another star right now."
Swift's client, Mr. Hamdan, was said to be confused. "He gets to go home now? Be with family, yes? Because President Boosh is angry with him, yes? But Boosh angry with me, and I no get to see my family. Hmmm. Maybe Boosh not angry ENOUGH with me. Let me see what I can do."
Warning! The Line of the Day is not an authorized infotainment product! It contains material not previously cleared/authored by Karl Rove. By definition, therefore, it is a farrago of lies and pretentious word choices. Only the part in bold is stolen from actual news sources.