Jan. 27, 2005 | And three makes a trend.
One day after President Bush ordered his Cabinet secretaries to stop hiring commentators to help promote administration initiatives, and one day after the second high-profile conservative pundit was found to be on the federal payroll, a third embarrassing hire has emerged. Salon has confirmed that Michael McManus, a marriage advocate whose syndicated column, "Ethics & Religion," appears in 50 newspapers, was hired as a subcontractor by the Department of Health and Human Services to foster a Bush-approved marriage initiative. McManus championed the plan in his columns without disclosing to readers he was being paid to help it succeed.
In interest of full disclosure, we here at Muskrat News have the following statements to make:
--Muskrat News Columnist "Sk8tr Boy" O'Sullivan was hired as a subcontractor for the Department of the Treasury to help promote Social Security reform. Although he insists, somewhat implausibly, that he has thought long and hard about the fiscal implications of current demographic trends, he probably should have revealed his financial dealings in his columns "Social Security Does a Face Plant" and "Private Accountz Rool!"
--It is clear that mistakes were made when we accepted a $14,380 contract to influence public opinion in favor of the dumping of mercury into groundwater supplies in Western states. Our articles titled "Clean Drinking Water Initiative To Aid Environment," "Mercury: The New Fluoride" and "Cheney Says Ground Water to be Refreshingest Ever This Year", while accurate, probably should have contained disclaimers.
--Although we believe no ethical standards were violated, it might have informed the subsequent (and somewhat heated) public debate if we had explained that our editorial "Hell Awaits Local Jews" was spurred by taking some of the things Mr. Bush has said too literally.
--Finally, the editor-in-chief would like to apologize for telling Mail Room Mindy that Pedro, the Intern, was "Sensitive" and "Caring." Pedro had supplied us with tickets to the Waxahatchie Wigglers minor-league game that night, and in retrospect his generosity may have influenced our views in a way that should have been made clear. On the bright side, it was the office-supplied can of MACE that you were able to disable Pedro after his "No means Yes" tirade.
Outraged responses to this story can be e-mailed to Webmaster@muskratnews.com
Remember, Kids, the part in bold is actual 100% news-flavored media product.
The rest is the fakey part.
Home Previous Lines of the Day
