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Making the case for a second term
WASHINGTON (CNN) -- Ten months before he faces voters, President Bush will warn in his State of the Union address Tuesday of leaving "work unfinished," and aides said the speech is designed to rebut attacks from the Democratic presidential candidates and defend his decision to invade Iraq.
In excerpts of the speech provided by the White House, Bush will tell Americans the war on terrorism continues, even as he cites progress in Afghanistan and Iraq.
"We have not come all this way through tragedy and trial and war only to falter and leave our work unfinished," reads one excerpt. "Americans are rising to the tasks of history and they expect the same of us."
The president routinely keeps one member of his Cabinet from entering the House chamber for the speech, a practice followed by Congress since the terrorist attacks of September 11, 2001. [sic]
Some observer claim that the practice of keeping one cabinet member away from the speech actually dates to Cold War days, when the fear was of a sudden Soviet nuclear attack which could "decapitate" the nation's leadership. However, we here at CNN have deployed our crack fact-checking staff to research the issue by calling the White House, which assures us that the practice is new since 9/11, and that the threat of thousands of nuclear warheads raining down on America was a mere bagatelle compared to the threat of nineteen rabid Muslims armed with boxcutters.
"We all know that America had never known fear until 9/11," said one Republican Operative. "Clearly, the threats we face today are so new and so great that they require us to cast aside all previous notions of restraint, of civil liberties, and of complacency."
Experts cite the possibility that terrorists such as al-Qaeda might acquire a so-called "dirty bomb" that spreads radiation over a wide area as an example of the new nature of the threat. "Previously, all Russia could do was lob 10,000 or so actual fission-fusion-fission warheads at us," explained a source close to Paul Wolfowitz. "All they could have done is knocked down every major city in the country, and incinerated the rubble, laying a blanket of fallout across the land that would poison the burned and hapless survivors. That's not scary at all! Al-Qaeda might set off a bomb that costs hundreds of thousands of dollars to clean up! Hundreds of lives could be lost, with thousands more suffering long-term health consequences from radiation! The insurance bills alone would be staggering! Imagine the paperwork involved!"
Asked if such paperwork would really be worse than, say, suffering 100,000,000 dead in a nuclear firestorm, the Republican official paused, then said "The paperwork! The lawsuits! Trial lawyers!...Anthrax!... Boo!"
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The rest is the fakey part.
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