Difficile est satiram non scribere.
(It is difficult not to write satire.)
--Juvenal
N Korea lifts threat to quit N-arms talks
By Andrew Ward in Seoul and Amy Kazmin in Bangkok
Published: September 2 2003 17:11 Last Updated: September 2 2003 17:11
North Korea yesterday retreated from a threat to withdraw from dialogue about its nuclear weapons program, saying it remained committed to the diplomatic process.
The comments revived hopes that a second six-party conference will follow last week's talks in Beijing between the US, the Koreas, China, Japan and Russia.
On Saturday, Pyongyang had declared the talks a failure, saying that it was not interested in more. But the communist state's official mouthpiece struck a more positive tone yesterday - underlining the unpredictability of North Korea's behaviour and the difficulty of interpreting its rhetoric.
"There is no change in our firm will to resolve the nuclear dispute between [North Korea] and the US, peacefully through dialogue," Pyongyang's state news agency said.
Observers are speculating about the reasons for the sudden turn-around, with two theories leading the guessing. One is that Assistant Secretary of State John Kelly had convinced North Korea of the bona fides of America's peaceful intentions by standing outside North Korea's bedroom window in the rain, holding up a boom-box playing a Peter Gabriel song.
The other is that the Air Force's Predator drone, previously used only for reconnaissance and pinpoint attacks using Hellfire missiles has been reconfigured for the delivery of Politburo-sized doses of Haldol, or possibly Thorazine.
In any case, North Korea is reportedly made the decision to give the talks another chance after a slumber party in which it, China, and Japan stayed up all night listening to N'Sync records, talking about Western hegemenoy, and doing each other's hair.
The United States, meanwhile, has been asking Thailand if Thailand thinks Burma might be interested in talking to the U.S. about "human rights and stuff."
"It's no big deal if they aren't," the U.S. is reported to have said, "but I just thought it might be cool to hang out and talk about hunger strikes and Novel Prize winners. No big deal. Whatever."
Asked if it were nto fully engaged in talks with North Korea, the United States replied "Hey, it's not like we're going steady. North Korea has its own life and so does the U.S. They're the first ones to freak out on us when we start talking about democracy, so what am I supposed to do?"
(Remember, Kids, the part in bold is actual 100% news-flavored media product. The rest is the fakey part.)
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