The Editor-in-Chief of Muskrat News is going to be Contestant on Jeopardy.
(He's the bearded guy in the lower right box on this page) Wish him luck.
(OK, so the show taped mnonths ago - superstition doesn't have to be reasonable.)
Martha, From Slammer to Syndication
By Lisa de Moraes, www.Washingtonpost.com
Thursday, December 9, 2004; Page C01
Jeff Zucker, president of NBC Universal Television Group, announced yesterday that reality TV impresario Mark Burnett will create for the company "the most exciting offering to come along in daytime television" -- development of which will get underway just as soon as the star gets out of the slammer.
Jailed nesting diva Martha Stewart will host a one-hour daily syndicated daytime show for the General Electric division, debuting next fall and featuring a live studio audience and celebrity guests.
In a related story, the literary estate of F. Scott Fitzgerald, who famously said that “there are no second acts in American lives” issued it’s ten thousandth apology yesterday. “Yes, we realize he was wrong,” said Bubble N. Squeak, Curator of the Fitzgerald Museum and Outlet Store. “Yes, we realize that nothing could be wronger. You don’t have to go down the list for me. Martha’s only the latest. Nixon. Elvis. Marion Barry is on his, what, fifth act? John Travolta, for God’s sake, if you can call those ‘acts.’ Mike Tyson. And let’s not forget people like General Grant, who had about four. We get it.”
Fitzgerald’s famous saying is in fact so wrong that some literary archaeologists are attempting to reconstruct a different meaning for it. “If you take the standard dramatic form as a three-act play,” said Oberlin Buttercup, of Buttercup College, “maybe what he was saying is there are first and third acts, but no second ones. Second acts tend to be taken up with plot and character development, so maybe he just meant Americans are shallow.”
That interpretation met rapid acceptance in the academic world. “Shallow is an understatement,” said Mr. Squeak. “Most of these lard-butts haven’t even read Fitzgerald’s books.” Others in academia chimed in as well, virtually unanimous in their agreement that ordinary Americans were shallow and poorly-developed characters. “It’s absolutely staggering how these people can live such uncomplicated lives,” lamented one PhD candidate. “No tortured childhood secrets, no web of allegiances tearing them apart, no titanic struggle between God and Materialism for their souls… these people are cardboard cutouts. And it’s not just the Red States. Do you have any idea how dull the lives of most New Yorkers really are? What a waste of material!”
Asked specifically about Stewart, Professor of Literature H. Parker Sturgis suggested that not only was her life missing a second act, it needed stronger supporting characters, and especially a more subtle treatment of its main theme. “We get it!” He huffed over the phone to this reporter. “The richer she gets, the worse her life is! She sells out to K-Mart, she gives in to greed, she’s disgraced and then she sells her disgrace! Why not just hang a sign on her saying ‘capitalism eats its own’? Who wrote this tripe, anyway?”
Outraged responses to this story can be e-mailed to Webmaster@muskratnews.com
Remember, Kids, the part in bold is actual 100% news-flavored media product.
The rest is the fakey part.
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