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| Bush to Seek Gay-Marriage Ban in Second Term, Top Aide Says By REUTERS Published: November 7, 2004 Filed at 12:28 p.m. ET WASHINGTON (Reuters) - President Bush will renew a quest in his second term for a constitutional amendment to ban same-sex marriage as essential to a ``hopeful and decent'' society, his top political aide [Karl Rove] said on Sunday. Bush's call for a constitutional ban on gay marriages failed last year in Congress, but his position was seen as a key factor motivating Christian conservatives concerned about ``moral values'' to turn out in large numbers and help supply Bush with a winning margin in last week's election. Renewing his push for an amendment -- despite its slim chances of success -- would be a way for Bush to reward his conservative base. The amendment would face a steep hurdle winning the needed approval of three-fourths of the states. Asked if that prospect of failure meant that Bush's promise was little more than an empty gesture, Rove denied it. "Just because it's not going to happen doesn't mean that it's an empty promise," said the architect of the Republican victory. "We turned out millions of evangelical Christian to the polls in order to secure our victory, and we intend to reward them with a series of feel-good gestures that play to their self-righteous paranoia. The fact that none of these actions will actually change anything isn't my fault. Blame it on Jesus. If he really wanted a Gay marriage ban, he'd make it happen." Reminded that Bush's promises to, e.g., corporate executives on loosening environmental regulations actually did and will be put through as opposed to just talked about, Rove shrugged. "What can I say? Jesus is a great friend to have, but if you're a CEO, it's all about the Benjamins. And those guys demand results. There's nothing crankier than a CEO who finds out that he can't dump mercury into the local fishing hole after all. And when they get cranky, their wallets slap shut. Slap! Just like that. Slappity-slap-slap. Slaptastic! Those Jesus people, on the other hand, man, they're so used to shucking out for miracles that never happen that they just can't stop. It's a beautiful thing." Asked if he had nay regrets, Rove thought for a moment. "Not really. I have a wife and family that I love, I'm the most powerful man in America, and I can't be impeached. Life is good. Of course, there is the little problem of having sold my soul to the devil in 1969 when I got turned down for a date by Mary Sue Biedermeier, so now I have to spend eternity in Hell, but that's really not an issue." Asked why not, he shrugged "By the time Bush gets down with this country, Hell will look good in comparison." Outraged responses to this story can be e-mailed to Webmaster@muskratnews.com Remember, Kids, the part in bold is actual 100% news-flavored media product. The rest is the fakey part. Home Previous Lines of the Day |
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