| Games! It's not all levity here at MuskratCo HQ! We play games, too. We're very fond of INVASION BINGO, The Bush League Drinking Game, And our ever-popular MUSKRAT MISSILE DEFENSE GAME Not to mention, for the kiddies, our most popular feature: The MISSILE DEFENSE COLORING BOOK |
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| Cool Muskrat Creation Legends from Native American Traditions. |
| Muskrat News Endorsements The Editorial Staff of Muskrat News endorses the following candidates in tomorrow's elections. Please remember that under the terms of your readership agreements, you are obligated to follow our suggestions in this area. Waxahatchie County Inspector - Jim Firefox, Republican Mr. Firefox has done an excellent job in closing down some of the county's less healthy eating establishments, and the concomitant drop in employee sick days has made this paper a better place. His opponent, Curly Longshanks, unfortunately chose to run on an anti-Muskrat platform, so it is our reluctant duty to inform the public that Mr. Longshanks is, in fact, a woman. And not an attractive one. Chief Judge, 11th Judicial Circuit - Moonbeam Suspenders-Afterglow, Independent Until now, candidate Afterglow has worked a simple county magistrate, but she has always struck as an extremely reasonable public figure, with a finely honed sense of what amount of bail is appropriate to a reporter's salary, especially one depleted by a night of buying her appletinis. She is also extremely dedicated, being willing to convene hearings at virtually any hour of the day or night -- even sometimes right there on the hood of the squad car -- which has has been a real boon, deadline-wise. It may seem ambitious of her to jump directly to chief judge of the circuit without having served as a trial judge first, but we are confident that she is up to the task. As she often says, and we can vouch for, there is nothing she won't do, so we assume there is nothing she cannot do. State Senator - Maybelle Higginbothom, Republican Some will complain that Mrs. Higginbothom has no legal or legislative experience. That is true. In fact, not only has she never held public office, she has never held down a paying job. But she bakes a mean apple pie, and we promised to back her if she'd bake one for us each month. She did, and we are. Go, Maybelle, Go! State House, District 4a - No Endorsement Sadly, neither the Republican nor Democratic candidate returned our candidate questionnaire, so we have no basis to judge between them. In retrospect, we probably should have focused the questionnaire a little more on issues relating to our community, but when intern Debbie assured us that her latest Cosmo had "Just the Thing" by which to judge the candidates, we were a little too busy with Maybelle's latest pie to double-check. So, we have no idea where either candidate stands on cellulite removal, what their top makeup tips are, and what secret moves drive them wild in bed. Frankly, without that data, we just cannot decide between Democrat Bruce Pugly, local firefighter, rescuer of stranded kittens, and secret philanthropist, and Republican Hogfeet Dinkins, owner of the world's leakiest mercury smelter, union-buster, convicted litterer and lifelong book-burner. It's a tossup! President - Homer J. Simpson, Cartoon Smarter than Bush, funnier than Kerry. Previous Lines of the Day |