Vice President Campaigns in Northwestern Pennsylvania
By Joe Mandak
The Associated Press
Wednesday, October 13, 2004; 2:18 PM
MEADVILLE, Pa. -- Vice President Dick Cheney on Wednesday questioned whether Democratic presidential candidate John Kerry is serious enough to be president, saying that someone who refers to terrorists as a nuisance isn't ready to be commander in chief.
For a story published Sunday in The New York Times Magazine, a reporter asked Kerry what it would take for Americans to feel safe again. "We have to get back to the place we were, where terrorists are not the focus of our lives, but they're a nuisance," Kerry said.
Speaking to about 600 supporters at a town hall meeting in northwestern Pennsylvania, Cheney said: "It doesn't strike me that you can ever think of terror or what it strikes at as a nuisance. That says to me that the individual who entertains those thoughts isn't as serious as I want my commander in chief to be."
Asked just how serious Cheney wanted Kerry to be, a Spokesman replied. “Dman serious. Serious as a heart attack, and he knows what he’s talking about there. Serious as a rattlesnake. Serious as in ‘you need to be sitting down when you hear this.’ Serious as the threat of black people voting in Florida. Serious.”
The normally grim-visaged Cheney is himself not know for the diaphanous nature of his whimsy. He reports his hobbies as “scowling” and “hurting things,” and he is said to have nearly divorced his wife for playing a game of charades at a dinner party once. He is said to despise programs such as the Daily Show for making light of grave issues, and all cartoons for being “frivolous.” He hates clowns, once beat a mime to death with a shovel, and always refused to give Rodney Dangerfield any respect.
He openly mocks Democratic candidate Kerry for the frequency with which Kerry is photographed riding skis, bicycles, and sailboards, saying once “real men don’t exercise. They sit in dark rooms, eat red meat, drink hard liquor and smoke tobacco. And not that menthol crap.”
Some trace Cheney’s dour, even mordant outlook to his ancestry, which stretches back the arrival in the New World of a William Cheney who arrived in 1635 as part of the great Puritan migration. The Puritans were also not known for their light-heartedness. Other ancestors include Wilberforce Cheney, who arrived in 1689 as part of the Great Migration of Choleric Men Who Mutter, and Hepzibah Cheney, who led the first wave of the much-lamented 1720 Inflow of Insufferable SOBs. The role of the Cheney family in the Salem Witch Trials is a matter of speculation, but the burning of Melody Wickersham in 1642 for consorting with the devil and “feeking to purchafe tubef of ye matalle aluminum” is suspicious.
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The rest is the fakey part.
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