Israel satellite plunges into sea
An Israeli military satellite has crashed after a botched launch.
The Ofek 6 satellite fell into the Mediterranean sea near the southern city of Ashdod.
The satellite had been designed to expand Israel's coverage of distant foes such as Iran, analysts said, and its loss is seen as a major setback.
The third stage of the launch is being investigated as the source of the malfunction, the Israeli military said. There are no casualties.
The setback came days after Israel's anti-missile system Arrow II failed to shoot down a dummy missile off the west coast of the United States.
But Israeli officials said the Arrow test had been a success despite the missed target, as the main reason for the test was to identify the incoming missile.
In the same vein, Israeli officials today tried to put a bright face on the loss of Ofek 6. “You wouldn’t believe how many fish we can see,” enthused one. “We were so lucky that the payload fell with the lens facing up. We’re learning a fantastic amount about sardines.” He paused, then added “Plus, we can look out for Iranian SCUBA divers.”
Officials are reportedly sparring over ways to deal with the setback, with some in the Ministry of Defense wanting to feed the submarine satellite imagery into a web cam that would provide a live alternative to the use of animated fish as screen savers. The idea, however novel, is not believed to have enough market potential to completely defray the cost of the multi-million-dollar satellite. “We did a quick whip-round of our marketing people, and we think there’s a potential to make several tens of dollars off the idea—which leaves us just $9,999,980 in the hole.”
Another possibility has been to use the machinery to inspect the bottoms of boat hulls, to use the payload’s multispectral imaging capability to look for pollution signatures, and to scan the ocean for porpoises with ties to Hamas and Islamic Jihad.
Asked just how many marine mammals had been converted to Islam, one Israeli scientist said “Well, there was one bottlenose at the Cairo Aquarium we think was showing some fundamentalist tendencies… so, a total of, well, zero.”
Asked why the Israeli government could not simply admit that the satellite had failed, write off the loss, and move ahead with replacing it, one advisor to Prime Minister Sharon said “Look, if we were in the habit of admitting mistakes, would we still be building new settlements?”
In the meantime, the United States has announced that it has “irrefutable” evidence that “certain schools of mackerel” are seeking to develop an offensive nuclear capability.
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