Text of speech by Democratic Sen. Zell Miller of Georgia as prepared for delivery Wednesday at the Republican National Convention:
Since I last stood in this spot, a whole new generation of the Miller Family has been born: Four great grandchildren.
Along with all the other members of our close-knit family, they are my and Shirley's most precious possessions.
September 2, 2004
Text of remarks by Senator Miller’s Aide, Paco Rabinowitz:
When Senator Miller referred to his family members as among his most precious possessions, he certainly did not mean to imply that he believes he is the legal owner of his family members. For one thing, all of his family are white people, and owning white people wouldn’t be right. For another, apparently there has been some new legislation recently called “The Emancipation proclamation” that makes owning people of any kind illegal.
For the record, we repeat that Senator Miller was not “off his meds” last night. Without going into details about his dosing schedule, he was more than adequately “Paxilated” before he took the stage.
September 3, 2004
Text of Remarks by Mr. Rabinowitz’s Assistant, Jungfrau En-lai:
When Senator Miller said that President Bush was “the same man on Saturday night that he is on Sunday morning,” he did not mean to imply that Senator Kerry was a werewolf or some other kind of shape-shifter. He takes no position on the lycanthropy rumors that have been swirling around the Kerry campaign, and is not one of those people who use the word “thick, glossy pelt” to describe Kerry’s hair.
September 4, 2004
Text of Remarks by Miller Family Kinesiologist and dog-walker Popcorn “Pepper” Spray:
Senator Miller has asked me to state for the record that yes, he understands that most of the alleged misdeeds he attributed to John Kerry happened years ago, well before and during the time Senator Miller continued to describe Kerry as a hero and a friend. He has asked me to explain that he has only recently been able to stop the Democrat mind-control rays that have been hampering his thinking, and wishes to thank the Alcoa corporation for making such excellent tin foil headwear.
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The rest is the fakey part.
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