04-FYI-0018
26 August 2004
Arrow Missile Test Completed
The Arrow anti-ballistic missile system was used today in a joint Israel/United States test exercise as part of the ongoing Arrow System Improvement Program (ASIP).
The test was the second in a series conducted at the Point Mugu Sea Range in California.
It was the thirteenth Arrow intercept test and the eighth test of the complete weapon system.
The Arrow interceptor was launched toward the target but no intercept was achieved.
Many of the test objectives were successfully completed, and the test data is being analyzed by test engineers to determine why an intercept did not occur.
Press Q and A:
Q. What went wrong?
A. Engineers are still analyzing the data. They think maybe the thing didn’t hit the other thing.
Q. Did the Arrow launch at all? Did the target? If so, where did they land?
A. Both the target and the interceptor missiles launched and followed a seemingly normal trajectory, but there was no intercept. We always plan for such contingencies, and each missile is programmed to fall into a designated open ocean area from which air and maritime traffic has been excluded even if there is no intercept.
Q. Unless they missed that area as well.
A. Well, that would explain the mushroom cloud over Oxnard. We’ll check it out.
Q. Was their a radar or a sensor problem? I ask because we heard the launch team shouting “To your left! Left!!” just before the intercept attempt.
A. That’s a lie. The exact words were “Warm…. Warmer…. Hot…. Cold! Cold! Cold! Oh, crap!”
Q. Is it really a good idea to name a missile test range after Mr. Magoo? He’s nearly blind, you now.
A. First, Mr. Magoo has perfectly good vision when he’s wearing his glasses. Second, he's just the mascot. Third, Point Mugu is not named for Mr. Magoo. “Mugu” is derived from a Chumash Indian word meaning “boondoggle.”
Q. This is a joint Israeli-American project. Did any language problems have an effect?
A. Not at all. Our Chinese engineers speak the same dialect as their Chinese engineers.
Q. What about converting metric to English units?
A. Metric? What’s that?
Q. When’s the next test?
A. As soon as we re-wind the catapult.
Outraged responses to this story can be e-mailed to Webmaster@muskratnews.com
Remember, Kids, the part in bold is actual 100% news-flavored media product.
The rest is the fakey part.
Home Previous Lines of the Day
