Associated Press
Monday, August 23, 2004; 12:42 AM
NEW YORK -- Brooke Shields will soon be joining the cast of the Broadway revival of "Wonderful Town."
Shields will replace Donna Murphy on Sept. 28 as writer Ruth Sherwood, a young woman from Ohio determined to make it big in New York in the 1930s.
Shields has worked on Broadway before, taking over for Rosie O'Donnell as Rizzo in the long-running revival of "Grease" and she later played Sally Bowles in the Roundabout Theatre Company production of "Cabaret."
The actress has appeared in such movies as "Pretty Baby," "The Blue Lagoon" and "King of the Gypsies" and starred in the NBC sitcom "Suddenly Susan" for four seasons.
The choice is a controversial one, as some critics have actually seen episodes of “Suddenly Susan.”
Authorities in New York urged the public not to panic. “We survived the crack epidemic, we’re going to survive the Republicans, and we can survive this,” said Mayor Bloomberg.
Others were not so sanguine. “What if she becomes enraged by the lights, rampages through downtown, and climbs the Empire State Building gripping a tiny little gorilla in one hand?” asked one homeless person. “Where would we find enough biplanes to shoot her down?” City officials downplayed the possibility of a tantrum-fueled rampage, noting that Ms. Shields is unlikely to further cripple her career by being difficult to work with, or by crushing city buses underfoot.
Theater critics and legitimate actresses, are expected to stage a series of marches and demonstrations to protest the casting decision, but in keeping with the practice during the Republican Convention, protesters will be confined to a so-called “Free Speech Zone.” The zone – an abandoned car lot in Canarsie surrounded by razor wire, a 30-foot wide minefield, Plexiglas sound barriers and covered by camouflage netting, will be “an area where people of all viewpoints can come together to express their views on this event,” according to a press release from the mayor’s office. “They will be properly fed, and hygiene will be provided by a thorough hosing from the FDNY every twelve hours.”
Broadway experts remained optimistic. “Sure, she’s got the acting skills of an iguana,” said one veteran producer, “but you gotta remember we’re selling tickets to people from Alabama, not to the population of Soho. Besides, have you ever heard of lip-synching?”
Outraged responses to this story can be e-mailed to Webmaster@muskratnews.com
Remember, Kids, the part in bold is actual 100% news-flavored media product.
The rest is the fakey part.
Home Previous Lines of the Day
