By Andrew Miga, www.bostonherald.com
Monday, July 26, 2004
The 2004 presidential contest may just be beginning, but Sen. Hillary Rodham Clinton's speech tonight in Boston is already stirring speculation about 2008.
The New York senator will play the loyal party soldier on the Democratic National Convention stage tonight, touting Sen. John F. Kerry as a strong leader who can capture the White House for the Democrats again. It's a speech that could boost her stock for the 2008 White House race should Kerry lose this fall.
Not that Senator Clinton wants Kerry to lose. "Of course not," one of her aids scoffed. "She's perfectly happy to wait twelve years for Kerry to have his turn, for John Edwards to be defeated by Jeb Bush, and then to take her chance to defeat Jeb over his ill-fated invasion of Canada." Nonetheless, speculation continues that deep in her heart the Senator wants Kerry to lose, opening the way for her to run in 2008 against a Republican Party with no obvious post-Bush leader. The speculation was fueled by her choice to wear a Bush-Cheney '04 campaign button, but was soon dispelled when she briskly stepped through her speech in a rousing monotone that analysts say is sure to wrap up the cyborg and android vote for Kerry.
Of course, Kerry himself is noted for the flat affect he brings to public speaking, and some conspiracy theorists suggested that Senator Clinton's robotic delivery was a ploy to make Kerry look good by comparison, but at least one observer dismissed such a notion. "No, that's as emotional as she gets," said the man, who asked to be referred to only as ex-President Bill Clinton.
Other highlights of the first day of the convention included a speech about John Kerry's Vietnam service, delivered by surprise guest Nguyen Hoc of the North Vietnamese People's Army. In pidgin English, Nguyen related how "Kerry very brave soldier, and not smoke too much dope or cut off ears. Well, smoke some, but everybody smoke some. But no ears. Except once… no, I confuse him with Cheney. Ha! I tell joke! Cheney not in Vietnam. Bush not in Vietnam, even though Vietnam full of bushes. Ha! I tell joke again! And not like Whoopi joke - this one clean."
Also on the agenda was former President Jimmy Carter, who assured the crowd that Kerry would "make a great ex-president, not like that boozehound Bush." Carter appeared to stray from the convention guidelines with his angry and profanity-laden description of the Bush-Cheney years, but an aide later put the performance down to "an attack of honesty."
Outraged responses to this story can be e-mailed to Webmaster@muskratnews.com
Remember, Kids, the part in bold is actual 100% news-flavored media product.
The rest is the fakey part.
Home Previous Lines of the Day
