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| `Free speech zone' far from it, protesters say Groups take case to appeals court By Tim Jones Tribune national correspondent Published July 25, 2004 BOSTON -- Groups angered by what they call the "internment camp" conditions of the designated site for protests at the Democratic National Convention will make another effort Monday to persuade a court to move their cramped "free speech zone" to another location. As Democrats prepare to confirm the presidential nomination of Sen. John Kerry, the party has come under harsh criticism for the protest zone's location near the FleetCenter convention site. The 28,000 square feet of space beneath elevated train tracks is ringed by concrete barriers, metal fencing and heavy black netting, and topped by razor wire. A large vertical banner hanging from a nearby building to the east reads "A Stronger America." A federal judge late last week called the location "an affront to the idea of free expression." But he denied a motion to expand or relocate the site, saying security concerns and limited space prevented that. Medea Benjamin, whose group Code Pink is protesting the war in Iraq, said, "We are not criminals, we are not wild animals [and] we don't deserve to be put in a cage. ... It's a tragic irony that here in Boston, the birthplace of American democracy, our 1st Amendment rights have been trampled upon." Convention organizers said the security around the zone is necessary to prevent protesters from hurling objects at delegates arriving at the FleetCenter. Some would-be protesters compared their conditions to a prison yard, and asked whether free speech was now a controlled substance, like crack cocaine, the possession or distribution of which could land you in a government-issue cage topped with razor wire. A convention organizer, however, hotly denied their was any comparison. "Sure, crack and free speech will both get you rounded up and locked in a cage, and sure, both provide a cheap, transitory high," said Ubiquitous X. Salamander, Director of Euphemisms for the convention. "Both make you obnoxious to others, both are socially and politically disruptive, both are frightening to the complacent middle class and to politicians. And both are cheap to manufacture and transport. Come to think of it, they really are pretty similar, huh? I mean, they both can badly hurt your chances of future employment or educational advancement, right? Man, maybe we better go ahead and put a roof on that cage and make it permanent." At this point, Salamander went over to confer with a Convention Spin Doctor who was frantically trying to gain his attention. When he came back, he said the following: "I regret having compared our precious right of free expression with a dangerous and addictive drug. …. Although, now that I mention it, speaking one's mind can be kind of addictive… what? …OK, OK, … where was I? Oh, yeah. No comparison with crack. None at all. For one thing, people in jail for crack can study for their GEDs, and they can get time off for good behavior…. What? Me? In the cage? Damn." Salamander's replacement, Safetyline Q. Trefoil, clarified that his predecessor had been caged to prevent his throwing things at this reporter. "As we all know, people who smoke free speech can become violent, and are not responsible for their actions. Really, it's for their own good that we're locking them up. Free speech has also been shown to have significant negative health effects - it can get the crap kicked out of you, especially in bars and sports stadia." Asked if such an exercise in doublethink meant that we learned nothing from Orwell, Trefoil disagreed. "We learned. We learned that one lousy troublemaker with a pen can be a royal pain in the ass, which is why we're not allowing writing materials in the cage." Outraged responses to this story can be e-mailed to Webmaster@muskratnews.com Remember, Kids, the part in bold is actual 100% news-flavored media product. The rest is the fakey part. Home Previous Lines of the Day |
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