http://www.acq.osd.mil/mda/mdalink/html/faq.html
Q. Our Company or Group is sponsoring a conference that addresses missile defense issues. How can I get a representative from MDA to speak at the conference?
A. Currently MDA is planning to sponsor two conferences next year. We are focusing our efforts and resources on those conferences and will not be supplying speakers to other conferences.
Q. Why is MDA trying to duck public debate?
A. Too many people attend arms control conferences just to push rabid left-wing agendas like physics and computer science.
Q. Uh, those are fields of study, not agendas.
A. Around here, physics is a left-wing plot to keep our missile shield from working.
Q. It's kind of ironic, isn't it?
A. What?
Q. Well, you're famous for using rigidly controlled conditions to "validate" your tests, and now you're only speaking to rigidly controlled audiences to validate your point of view. Hosting conferences where only your people attend is like testing your interceptor against the decoys that you design. It's an artificial, and hugely simplified environment, designed to make the object in question look good without exposing it to the rigors of realistic operating environments which might show up its weaknesses.
A. No, no, no. Our conferences will be highly realistic. We'll have a cadre of MDA staff tossing questions at our speakers, and they'll be tough, realistic questions.
Q. Such as?
A. "How cool is missile defense?" "Isn't North Korea Scary?" "Will the bad men drop bombs on us?"
Q. Those are softballs!
A. Well, OK, for now. But we have to practice with the easy ones before we have a full field test.
Q. Uh-huh. You're just afraid of the headline "Missile Defense Agency Fails to Shoot Down Questions," aren't you? You're just a bunch of scaredy cats. Wusses. Girly men.
A. Stop that! Stop it right now or we'll come over there and … and …
Q. What? Swing at our jaws and miss?
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Remember, Kids, the part in bold is actual 100% news-flavored media product.
The rest is the fakey part.
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