By Rajiv Chandrasekaran
Washington Post Foreign Service
Monday, June 28, 2004; 8:01 PM
BAGHDAD, June 28 -- The United States transferred political authority to an interim Iraqi government in a five-minute surprise ceremony Monday morning, accelerating the planned handover by two days in an effort to avoid attacks by insurgents plotting to mar the event.
At the hastily arranged ceremony, held inside a high-security compound controlled by the American military, U.S. administrator L. Paul Bremer handed a signed document to the chief judge of Iraq's highest court announcing the dissolution of the U.S. occupation administration and the conveyance of political authority to the interim government.
In a totally unrelated story, David Fincus, 23, transferred sole sovereignty of her bedroom back to Laura Haskell, 21, in a surprise ceremony early Monday morning, accelerating the planned handover by several hours in an attempt to get out of an embarrassing alcohol-fueled liaison.
Fincus had occupied the bedroom since shortly before midnight, when he launched a controversial attack on the young woman's largely theoretical virtue in a move that drew outraged responses from both his friends and hers. Nonetheless, despite the earnest assurance of her best friend that "she could do better," a lightning offensive based on charm, 2-for-1 margaritas and intelligence reports on Haskell's likes and dislikes in movies and popular music had overcome her defenses.
Fincus had previously scheduled the handover for breakfast time, and Haskell had reportedly been planning on serving him orange juice, eggs and bacon preliminary to a discussion about when they might see each other again. But those plans were cut short at approximately 3:00 in the morning when Fincus announced that he had "an important meeting early tomorrow morning" and began dressing to leave.
Some observer speculate that the purpose of the early exit was to avoid the possibility of attacks by Haskell's wire-haired terrier, Mr. Jumbles. Mr. Jumbles has variously been described as a terrorist and a loyalist to the old regime of Steve Bartlett, the previous occupant of the bedroom. He had already staged several attacks on the Fincus regime's ankles, before being exiled to the kitchen by an embarrassed Haskell. Others believe that the premature departure does not in fact make a difference, as what was transferred was not full sovereignty. They note that Fincus has promised to call "soon" and Haskell is unlikely to form any new alliances without his permission.
Although he rarely ventured beyond the so-called "green zone" composed of the four corners of Haskell's Pottery barn sled bed, Fincus was reportedly emphasizing to his colleagues at work this morning the degree to which he had liberated the entire apartment from "being boring." Although controversial, the occupation was not without its supporters. Deputy Secretary of Defense Paul Wolfowitz offered his support, saying "Duuuuude! Way to engineer regime change!"
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