The Associated Press, From www.abcnews.com
WASHINGTON June 23, 2004 - The Justice Department is rewriting its legal advice on how far U.S. interrogators can go to pry information from detainees, working under much different circumstances from the writers of earlier memos that appeared to justify torture.
The first memos were written not long after the Sept. 11 attacks, while the new advice is being crafted against the backdrop of prisoner abuse in Iraq.
In particular, the memos are clarifying that certain measures previously authorized by Secretary of Defense Rumsfeld for use on detainees at Guantanamo are not authorized to be used on Iraqi POWs, as the latter are covered by the Geneva convention.
For example, the use of dogs to terrorize prisoners at Guantanamo is not allowed in Iraq, except for "Poodles, Chihuahuas, and other wiener dogs." Similarly, the practice of forcing prisoners to listen to recorded excerpts from the poetry of Donald Rumsfeld is not permitted on Iraqis covered by the Geneva convention.
There had been some confusion over the so-called 'poetry slam' method of interrogation, with some lawyers arguing that, as long as the prisoners did not understand English, the painfully obscure ramblings of the Secretary of Defense could not inflict sufficient pain to constitute torture, but it was ruled last week the choppy cadences, the squeaky voice and the unsettling linguistic rhythms were enough to cause sufficient pain - usually in the form of gastrointestinal distress - that the readings must stop.
Another source of confusion is the degree to which standards for torture vary between nations and individuals. Rumsfeld is said to have objected that making prisoners stand for four hours was hardly cruel punishment, when he himself often stands for ten hours a day. That led to his authorizing both extended periods of standing for detainees, as well as frequent prostate exams and the occasional root canal.
Finally, without specifically admitting error regarding the assertion that the President can waive both domestic laws and international obligations, the Pentagon announced today that certain interrogation methods objected to by the Red Cross will no longer be used, including:
--Being forced to share an enclosure with Rush Limbaugh
--The showing of any and all Carrot Top media, including films, commercials, and recorded stand-up routines
--making detainees eat Army food
--telling detainees that Mecca is Northwest of compound; when detainees finish prayers, laughing and telling them they just prayed to Disney World
--forcing detainees to take the SAT, while guards scream at them "you're going to a state school, loser!"
--serving detainees only Lite beer
--guards going on and on about J-Lo and whether she and Marc Antony are really happy
--tearing the last five pages out of all camp mystery novels
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