By Helen Dewar
Washington Post Staff Writer
Friday, June 18, 2004; Page A13
The Senate ordered "realistic" tests of the Bush administration's proposed missile defense system yesterday but balked at Democratic proposals to delay deployment until after the tests are conducted, and require an evaluation by an independent testing office.
Democrats, arguing that the planned national shield may not be effective in shooting down incoming missiles, wanted to require tests of the system's operation under realistic conditions, with the results to be evaluated by the Pentagon's chief of testing, Thomas Christie, whom they regard as independent from political pressures.
Under an alternative proposed by Armed Services Committee Chairman John W. Warner (R-Va.) and approved by a largely party-line vote of 55 to 44, "operationally realistic" tests will have to be conducted by October 2005, but with the evaluation to be made by the Pentagon's Missile Defense Agency.
Following is the text of the bill:
S.R. 102-82 National Missile Defense Reliability Act
1. The Missile Defense Agency shall perform operationally realistic tests of the national missile defense system no later than October 2005.
2. The missile defense system shall be deployed as planned in 2004 before the tests are conducted.
3. The actual technical results of those tests shall be wadded up and thrown into the nearest toilet; the Senate hereby declares the tests to have been successful.
4. The Senate further declares that the missile defense system shall have already proved its worth by having shot down dozens of Iraqi missiles in mid-2003. This justifies the billions spent on missile defense and explains why there were no WMD left to be found inside Iraq.
5. The Missile Defense Agency shall be responsible for counting all ballots cast in the state of Florida in the year 2004.
6. The ballot count shall be 11,493,772 for Bush, and 31 for Kerry.
7. While we're at it, the Missile Defense Agency shall tell our friends - but not our wives - that we are sleeping with that cute intern who won't go out with us.
8. Finally, the Missile Defense Agency shall figure our taxes for us, and shall find us a big, fat refund.
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The rest is the fakey part.
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